All I really wanted for Christmas

Something must be wrong with me this year... or maybe something has just changed inside me. I actually went through Christmas without experiencing any material wants, or even the feeling of being shortchanged for Christmas. It's really weird for me because I am feeling really happy about this. I actually feel that I received all I ever really wanted for Christmas.

Yeah, sure there are a bunch of nice to have things, but when I look at them right now, I am really not hurting for not having them. They seem to pop out of my head just as quick as they pop in and I am just as happy before and afterwards. Those thing really don't make me happy. They don't have any effect on my emotions at all.

If anything, I got the gift of being able to spend christmas with my grandchildren as well as with my kids. At this point in time, and in my life, what else is there? This, to me, was the best christmas that I could ever ask for. I'm also grateful for having my video camera with me so I can take all of these memories with me.

Like I said, it's all I really wanted for christmas, and I got it.


-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

The Greatest Christmas Present I Ever Had

One would think that my Christmas presents started off with an iTunes gift card. No, it began much earlier than that! It began when I walked through the gate and saw my two beautiful daughters waiting anxiously to run up to me and hug me, like the little girls I knew them to be a long time ago. Yet, in my heart there they were as my two little girls. There were tears of joy among us and I hugged them tightly and gave them both a bunch of kisses. They were daddy's little girls.

It gets better for me as I go to our in-law's house to celebrate and see my grandchildren. I know they were a little shy as they haven't really seen their grandfather outside of video conferencing, but you should have seen them both warm up to me. My grandson eventually gave me a bunch of bugs and kisses and my granddaughter and I played for a long time with the penguins that I gave them. We had lots of fun.

Today, we celebrated Christmas dinner with them and I even got to play some Christmas carols on the guitar that Jonny brought. He brought it especially for me. So, I played songs that the kids and grandkids could sing to and just to see the smiles on their faces when they sang felt magical.

Just to be with everyone on Christmas is magical. This has truly made my Christmas. If anything, I'm especially glad I brought both my still camera and my video camera.

I'll probably wind up using the iTunes card by next week, buying a couple of my favourite Stephen Curtis Chapman albums which is great. However the memory of this Christmas will far outlive the holidays and will be something I will be able to carry with me for a long time to come. The only better gift would be the opportunity to make more of these memories.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Open wounds...

Whoever said that time heals all wounds, obviously never lived my life. I'm starting to believe that wounds inflicted on children leave nasty scars that will never go away. Not to mention the recurrence of certain occasions that were once supposed to be joyful, serve as constant reminders of our inflictions. And, each year, so it seems, they seem to dig into these wounds like a dull and dirty knife not only leaving a bigger wound, but infecting everything around it. Things just don't get better on their own in time. They just don't seem to heal.

It seems this time, the first day of Chanukah has given me the present of reopening my childhood wounds. They obviously couldn't wait until the 7th day. They feel somewhat deeper than before as I woke up this morning in tears. I haven't wanted to crawl out of my studio in the basement to even talk to anyone. I've just wanted to stay down here. I don't even have any music on. It's just silent today. For some reason, the feelings from my wounds feel stronger than before and I seem to just want to stay out of everyone's way for fear of lashing out uncontrollably. If anything, I feel safe if I stay out of everyone's way today. I even saw that I had some Chanukah presents upstairs, but I don't even feel like I can open them.

It's funny how I seem to be able to walk around the rest of the year as if everything is okay. It's almost like I'm going around with a band-aid on, and as soon as this time rolls around, the band-aid gets painfully ripped off. I'm starting to feel at my age, as I am just a few years of turning 50, that it would take a God-like miracle to heal this wound. It sometimes makes me wonder why He hasn't done so. It's not like I really wish to stay wounded.

What I must do

It's no doubt that I am a Flash team leader, and in a way it blows my mind that I am doing this for one of the largest Flash sites on the net. Not to mention that it keeps growing and evolving. However, I have had to come to terms with the fact that being a team lead has meant a lot less coding. I'll admit that I have had some depressing nights over this. However, the light has shone on my purpose here, at least for the time being.

As a developer, I was the sole coder. I got to design, code and build my knowledge in the process. Plus, I also have a lot of fun, while getting paid for it. If anything it was just me to deal with.

It's different as a team lead. However, I'm realizing that it is not a bad thing at all. To start, I now have a team of people. The only place I could think of where the perfect example of a leader is, is right in the new testament. Jesus said (and I paraphrase), "I have not come to be served, but to serve...", and this is the most powerful example that I can think of. Plain and simple: I serve my team and not the other way around. If anything I'm there to do what I can to not only help them do their job effectively, but to also keep them motivated and positive. This means that I have to be motivated and positive if I am going to serve my team effectively.

The other thing that I need to realize is that if I'm not going to be able to code as much, then it is up to me to pass on everything I know to the group. Not that I have ever held any secrets from anyone, but now it's more important than ever because if I don't use it, it will more than likely get lost. So, the only way it won't get lost is to make sure that the knowledge is passed on to those who will use it and further themselves in hopes that one day they will be in the position to pass it on, along with everything they have learned.

These things I must do are but the start of becoming an effective team lead.


-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

From the wellsprings of pain floweth a fountain of art

OMG! I'm writing again! It's like someone just pulled the plug out of the mental wellspring this morning and I've sprung a fountain. Everything is just flowing today. Not since I was 14 years old riding back home to Toronto from Quebec City, have I been able to write as many songs as I have this morning. I realize that art can be painful at times, but I never realized just how much pain it took to draw up this much inspiration. I'm not saying that I enjoy the pain. I am saying that I enjoy the pain, but I got so inspired by the writing that flowed from it. It's like it just hit me.

If anything, I have been up since 5am, and I had so many bad thoughts running through my head. And, it was my own fault for entertaining these thoughts to begin with. I was practically feeling consumed by my thoughts to the point of being paralyzed by them. So, I decided to try to think of ways to get them out of my head. I figured, I'd start with a hot shower and then the first song hit me in there. That's when I started writing "The Warning Sign" and just described everything that was feeling because of these thoughts. All of the overload and overwhelm was put into words and now I have the music in mind for it. From there, I started writing "Takin' My Time", which talked about my ignorance of letting these thoughts enter my head in the first place, and then I wrote "Sinkin'", which talks about dancing with temptation and sin and how I need to stop and rely on God and Jesus to get me through. I've even got another song in the making because of this.

I'm excited, to say the least. I'm inspired and motivated. I found something to get me through this... and this produced art. There's a whole fountain of music that feels like its flowing out of me today and I will admit that I am loving it so much. God knows just how much I love music and He's given me just the very gift I needed today. It feels so amazing. I will admit that I want more music. I never want to stop writing music. If it means writing what I am feeling about the totally messed up world I live in my mind, then so be it! It's music to my ears!

God had always said that we can take joy in our suffering. Never has my suffering been more joyful!

Recording Guitar Was Never This Much Fun

I can't remember a time when I've had more fun recording my acoustic guitar. For some reason it felt like a real treat to do. I wonder if it had anything to do with finding the right microphone to record the 6 string neck along with the right position, or the fact that I took the "barber" chair from the bathroom into the studio and sat on that while I played guitar. Or, maybe it is a combination of the two.

All I know is that time passed so quickly, and I'll admit that I can't wait to do it again. I have a few more acoustic songs to record and now I can't wait to get them down. There's something about the acoustic guitar that feels so expressive that I'm now for some reason able to capture.

Now that I can capture it the way I did, I want to capture more of it. I feel like there's a whole new world of recording guitar that I've just opened up.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Embracing My Perfect Imperfections

If anything, I've been brooding over my latest piece that I posted, "I Don't Stand Alone". When I listen to the mastered track, I think that there's so much that I could have done with it. The bass was all out of alignment and I hate the sound of the kick drum. It sounds like I'm beating on a kick drum case, rather than the drum itself. And, funny enough, I have a sample of a kick drum case and believe it or not, it sounds so much better than what I have. If anything, there's a lot of life missing in this song. I started replacing some of the amp modelling in it and started applying some creative cutting with my EQ, and the song started coming to life. And, yet, it feels like there is so much more to do on this song.

And yet, there is the other side that is eating at me: should I do it? The song when I recorded it was a milestone in my life. At that time, I felt that I had learned more about mixing than any other time. I know that I am always going to get better. It's a known fact that the more you work to improve at something, the more you will improve. You may not realize it at the time, but you will improve. I'm sure that I can look back at every song that I have mixed and find ways to improve it one way or another. The question is, how far do I go? I mean, if I start looking at this song and improve it, yay! Then what? Am I going to start looking at other songs, seeing how I can improve them. I have a whole bunch of songs that I know that I could improve upon. Do I fix them all up as well?

And then the cycle will repeat itself. I'm sure in the process, I'm going to find my mixing skills even more improved and then I'm going to look at the entire batch of songs, including the ones that I have recently done, and once again try to improve them. And then it will happen over and over and over again. I know I spend a day multing bass parts and stuff for this song and then discovering just how much I hate the kick drum. Then what happens when I improve the kick drum? I may make this song perfect... and at the same time make it perfectly boring. Yeah, there is some lifeless stuff about it. However, there is some character to the song. I don't want to lose the character of the song. It's not supposed to be perfect. I am not perfect... I'm far from perfect. That's the beauty of music. It allows me to display my imperfections in such a way that it is perfectly imperfect.

Maybe, that's the time I should realize that it is time to just stop. I should leave it alone for now. Work on some new stuff and play around with some new ideas. There's so much more stuff that I'm starting to write now. I should just write it for now and get it out of my head onto the hard drives. I should be happy with my perfect imperfections and not try to make them something they are not.

Has Jesus Become a Dirty Word?

In my quest for some great inspirational hard rockin' tunes from some Christian bands, I have started noticing a trend in some of the new music. They all talk about heaven, eternity, righteousness, faith, hope and love, and all things good and insert some well-placed "Hallelujahs!" in their songs. But, they're missing one thing! I went through all of their demo tracks on the iTunes Store and nowhere did I ever find a mention of either God or Jesus in their demo tracks. Not once on their entire album! We're talking perhaps 13 or so tracks per album, and many of these bands have more than one album and not once do they mention Jesus. Heck, I didn't even hear the words "Lord", "King", "Ruler" or anything like that.

What ever happened to "every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord" in the music? It's like mentioning Jesus in the music business is now becoming a sure fire way to find yourself blacklisted or something like that. I can probably hear it in the back room of these so-called Christian labels going, "Well, if we don't mention Jesus or God directly, but we imply Him, then we're still getting out the message..." WRONG!! They don't call it Christian Rock for nothing, you know! Christian Rock without Christ is just Rock! I can listen to that kind of stuff on Q107, which I am not detracting from that station because it's my fave Classic Rock radio station. What I am saying is that's what it seems that these labels are aiming for and rather than set themselves apart, just like it was commanded in the Bible, they are assimilating themselves into this world! They are trying to blend in by removing the very cornerstone of their music.

I'm sorry, but this really saddens and angers me and my feelings on this are getting rather overwhelming. It weighs on me like a huge rock tied around my heart because these bands have lost their balls when it comes to Jesus. It's like Jesus has become their embarrassing friend. I have a hard enough time trying to talk about Jesus as it is and I look to music for inspiration because music is one of the things in this world that I can directly associate with. That's what God built into me. I like to fill my morning and afternoon drives with loud rockin' music that I can sing my praises to Jesus at the top of my lungs. Yes, look over your shoulder into the next car... that's me singing it out loud about Jesus and I'm not afraid of being watched as I drive in the car, no matter how stupid I look. That's me and if you don't like it, then roll up your windows and drive on. But, I can't sing about Jesus if I don't have a song to sing about Him. I don't like to imply Jesus. I like to sing Jesus!

I'm grateful that the albums that I do have from Jeremy Camp, Kutless and Casting Crowns sing about Jesus in all of His glory and mention God, Jesus and everything else associated with no fear. I'm glad they have the balls to mention Jesus and set themselves apart just like the Bible commands! I'm glad they fill me with the inspiration to sing in my car. Their work is inspiring to me because their love for Jesus shows in their music. They're not just Christians in a band. Their bands are about Christ and nothing but. They day they drop Jesus from their songs will be a sad day for me indeed.

I only wish I could find more rockin' bands with the same courage to proclaim Jesus as their foundation. I'd go right into the iTunes store and buy them right away and fill my iPod, so I can sing along and be further inspired. As for the others, it seems inspirational has become a loose terminology.

Where I am is where I need to be...

If anything, resuming a habit of leaving work at a healthier hour, and trying hard to stay away from it until the next day, has put my mind back into perspective. I've been thinking clearer and it has started to show in my work. It has also made me realize the most important thing about work: I really do like where I am. I enjoy the challenges, and I actually enjoy being put to the test on to it see if I can deliver. Even more so, I am enjoying the bigger test these days of delivering with a team of developers. Honestly, I don't know how good of a team leader I am, but for the most part, I enjoy leading my team. It has its good days and its bad days, but there are no boring days.

If anything, I can remember praying about this job, and at the same time, I remembered God opening up every single pathway leading up to where I am today. I can honestly say that God has put me right where I am today. And this is where I want to be because that is where God put me. So what if things are not always roses. I'll live! Even more so, I'm showing that I am growing in this job. I must be growing because I have been making decisions that I would have been really scared to make in the past. That's gotta say something. I've been given to opportunity to put my, or are they, strategies into play and I can see the results. I'm actually at a point where I am doing what I can to make our department look better. Of course, it's not me alone, but I know that I am not alone, and we all work together to make our environment a great place to work. It takes a lot of work, but what good thing doesn't?

At this point, I do not want to just drop everything and go someplace else. Just because things are very hard and the pressure is on, I'm not going to back down from the challenge. I was put there for a reason and even if that reason is to fail, it will all be a testament to God's glory. Perhaps, I have to realize that this is not about me anymore. I may be a team leader, but I am now serving a team. I want them to succeed. Perhaps, that is why God put me there.

Always a Learning Experience

Every time I work at a mixdown, I alway try to find something I can learn from and apply it to the next mix. This really is nothing new for me because I have been doing recording and mixing for almost 30 years, starting from a 4-track reel-to-reel in my bedroom. This last mix was definitely no exception.

I sought the advice of a friend of mine, who is a very successful engineer and producer, and also makes a lot of the drum samples that I use within my mixes. The things I learned from him on this mix were eye opening. He just listened to my mix and was able to tell me what was wrong. He then gave me some great tips and techniques that I applied and got an eye-opening moment from them.

The one main thing I really managed to internalize from this mix was the importance of mixing at lower volumes. I wouldn't say that I mix loud. After all, I do want to protect my ears as well. However, it is loud enough to alter the perception of certain frequencies... you know, the ol' Fletcher-Munson curves and such. So, I was instructed to turn everything down very low... almost whisper volume. I should then balance the mix at that volume. I should also work with the vocals at that level. Once I get it working at that level, it will work at any level. When I was mixing it loud, my ears must have been compressing the vocals, so it didn't seem that loud compared to the rest of the mix. However, at the whisper level, I could barely hear the music above the vocals. Once I brought the vocals down and could hear the music and the vocals together, I the proceeded to mix the vocals at that level, supplying whatever automation I needed for it there. Once I got it, I turned it up and listened. The vocals sat right in at that point. I was amazed at how well that worked. It's funny how I heard many times from Charles Dye that I should mix at a low volume. It just didn't sink in until now. Now, between the vocals and the bass, it all sat in nicely.

I learned other lessons as well, such as the fact that if I need to, I can split my tracks up into multi tracks. I don't need to have the vocals sitting all on one track. I also don't need to do everything on one track. Tonight, I used two kick tracks and emphasize the click frequencies in one of them and brought them up under the main kick. All of a sudden, the kick sounded totally clear and I didn't need as much compression as I had on it before. That was totally cool! All these available tracks and I have only discovered its power now.

It's things like these that make me glad that I feel I don't know a lot, despite the many years I have done this. It opens me up to learn new techniques. Now, I can't wait to work on the next song as not only will I apply what I have learned from this mixdown session, but I know I will learn new things from the next session.

Being shaped by life

I think I have an idea as to why things are happening the way they are at the moment. Everything in life usually happens to build strength in character for the next things that happen in life. If anything, I know I have been unhappy at work and have been stressed out of my mind here. I also know that I have been getting stronger in the sense that certain admirable, I hope, characteristics are starting to show. As weird as it may seem, I think that I'm starting to see some leadership qualities in
me.

Let's put it this way. For the past four days, I have been running a team of nineteen developers to try and get this project over and done with. With the help of our resource manager, who has been nothing short of a fantastic support for me, I actually managed to put a strategy together to match the project to the developer. So far the plan was met with acceptance, and even if it wasn't it was still a big accomplishment for me. If anything, part of this plan was also to reduce the chances of having to stay late or do weekends for any of the developers. I don't want them to wind up as I did emotionally.

I'm hoping that this plan works, because if I matched them up right, then not only will they complete their stuff, but we can all pool together to blitz out the remaining stuff in a snowball fashion.

I even managed to take the lead on couple of project and paired a few devs together on projects that were in danger of missing their deadlines. Funny thing is that this was the fastest I ever acted.

So if this is what is supposed to happen in life right now, then perhaps I just need to try and let it shape me, rather than just drop and run like I seemed to used to do I the past.

I guess it is like iron when you beat it so many times. It gets stronger and more resistant.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

My computer gave me a new respect for bassists!

When Apple introduced Logic 9, they added a feature in there, called Flexible Audio. Being the interested audio engineering geek that I am, I had to give it a test.

First place I decided to test it was with my bass lines. If anything, they looked in time so I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. Boy, was I wrong.

I locked the bass to my kick and all of a sudden, it sounded like a brand new song. I'm fact, I had to redo the mix because everything was very clear and punchy. I was shocked because in the blink of an eye, I could see just how bad my bass playing was. That minute timing in my playing made all the difference between a tight groove and a sloppy mess. It obviously didn't take much to show just much of a difference it makes.

If anything this little venture into flexible audio has given me a brand new respect for bassists and just how important they are at holding down the bottom end of a song. It means that I really need to work on tightening my timing because that little adjustment will be the difference between something with a punchy bottom end and something that is flabby and loose.

It also means that I'm going to have to trust my gut a little more. There were plenty of times that I felt that the timing didn't feel right, but thought perhaps it's me overreacting. Obviously not! That groove is important and I need to do everything I can to keep it going. Timing is definitely everything.

More is not better...

I just finished restoring my fave guitar last night and I decided to plug it into my POD X3 Live. I was thinking to myself that I could find out what settings I needed in order to make it as nice sounding as the Amp Designer plug-ins with Logic Pro 9. I decided to try some of the many settings that I had made, that I thought once sounded good. Sure enough, they don't sound very good anymore. I got to a point where I had to switch patches because they were hurting my ears. That's when I decided to cut it down to the bare essentials.

I cut out all of the effects and just went right for the amp itself. In many cases, that's where the problem lied. Sure, there are a lot of modelled amps in my X3. However, it seems like the 25 that I have in Amp Designer really kick the stuffing out of my X3. In Logic, I hear music and harmony. In my X3, I'm hearing noise and dissonance. I don't know if it's me, but I seem to lack inspiration when I plug into my X3. As soon as I plug into Logic, I'm hearing musical vibrations. I can't put my finger on it, but with the last two songs I did, I decided to use the Amp Designer and Pedalboard from Logic and loved the results. I couldn't stop listening to "I Wanna Be..." as the guitars totally rocked out.

I may have more amp choices in my X3, but I am starting to feel like I have better amp modelling in Logic. I'm hoping I'm just missing something...

Wanting to be wanted...

God must have been listening to me talk to Joelle last night about spending Christmas in Calgary with my kids that are out there. If He didn't, then we really couldn't not explain the fantastic seat price we got on the plane ticket, considering that there was no announced seat sale and the fact that Westjet usually never has a Christmas seat sale.

God probably heard the rest of our conversation as well, which was to eventually move out to Alberta, to be near our kids that are out there. I'll admit that my heart aches to go out there and probably spend the rest of my life out there. If anything, it's starting to feel as if there's nothing left in Ontario for me anymore. Heck, look at how I see it: the three that are out there with their families are begging to always have us out to spend the holidays with and the one that is here with his family never spends any holidays with us. For the past two years, nothing: no Easter, Passover, Christmas, Thanksgiving... nothing. They go to his wife's parents for the holidays. It sort of makes me feel insignificant to them. This is why I am glad to fly out this year. I have always wanted my family together for the holidays and it seems sad that I cannot have this. Heck, even my one son out there who feels I am the worst father to walk this planet wants me out there to celebrate the holidays with. That says more to me than anything else. I'd fly out for him because I know he wants me there... nothing more. Heck, the grandkids out there are so excited and Grandma and Grandpa are coming for Christmas. They can't wait to see us... and I really can't wait to see them! At least I now know why grandparents love to spoil their grandkids.

I don't think that what I am feeling is wrong. Sure, as parents, we are no longer needed as much as our kids get older and grow with their own families. But, it is not wrong to want to be wanted by our kids. I think that's what any parent wants these days as they get older and see their kids go off on their own lives. And, sometimes, the easiest indicator of showing a parent that you want them is by spending a holiday or two with them. Yes, Joelle and I are busy people and we've always been... but we've always made time on the holidays because we know it's about family.

At the very least, I'm grateful I have one child eating with us this Thanksgiving...

It's all coming back

It's been almost a couple of weeks since deciding to take back my life from my job. All I can say is that I have no regrets.

If anything, I've started to see things a lot clearer now. I can see the damage I have done all over. My health suffered. I have never seen the type of illnesses that I had experience lately. And considering that I was rundown and stressed, I probably should not be surprised to see these diseases. At least I can feel my strength coming back while my body is cleaning up the garbage. I had my best bike ride last night.

My creativity suffered to the point where I had been not able to write any music. This was depressing in itself. My ventures back to the mixing board have been nothing short of therapeutic. There's definitely healing in the vibrations.

I feel my emotions coming back in check. This was something that I will not doubt was wreaking havoc throughout my family. Poor Joelle must have gone through hell putting up with me for the past little while. And Joshua... I will no doubt bet that my own state of mind has been affecting his state of mind. Heck, he's been an emotional train wreck for the past two weeks.

All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm not going to let that ever happen again. Certain things in life are just not worth the cost!

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Musical Healings...

In my resolve to take back what is mine and separate my life from my job at the end of the work day, I've taken the first steps in regaining who I am after all the work is done. Part of that first step is healing. I have to heal the wounds because they don't help to remain open, as I have discovered in the past.

For me, there's no better healing than music. I went to the mixing board last night and ripped apart "In the Eyes of a Stranger" mainly because of the same reason as "I Wanna Be...". I didn't like how it sounds.

The first place I looked at was the drums. There was something wimpy about it. Once I found a stronger kick, I could feel an immediate uplifting. Mind you, I may change my mind tonight, but at least the healing is happening.

It must be something in the rhythm or the vibrations because I could feel them in the healing. If anything, I am using these anomalies in the rhythm to fix what I am finding in the song. The beauty of this is that I am finding conflicts with the bass due to timing. Fixing this will probably help this healing process. I can feel it already. Thus, it must be right.

I will admit that I am grateful for the audio tools that helps the healing. But using them now is coming from within. I'm finding that I am not just hearing what's happening, but feeling it as well. And it is feeling better... music is definitely part of my healing.


-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Meltdown averted by server down

Funny how God works at times. Yesterday, I was headed straight into meltdown feeling overwhelmed with everything including the pain of regret. Next thing I know, all of the servers here go down in some unexplainable cascade of errors, forcing me to stop what I am doing and breathe.

Sure enough, I stop and take time to catch my breath. While I am doing that, I'm taking the time to clear my head as well. It gave me the opportunity to rethink my strategies and plan my next set of moves.

Part of this includes taking back what is rightfully mine. One of them is the right to leave work when the day is done. There is life affer work and I'm going to experience it once again. There's nothing worth staying for because my pay doesn't change whether I put in 7.5 hours or 10 hours. I'd be a fool to believe that this or any company actually is going to recognize and reward their employees based on their hours. And let's face it: the problems that were there at the end of the day will be there waiting tomorrrow. What I am no longer willing to give is my life for my job. The return is no longer worth it. They own the work I do, but they do not own me. If they think otherwise, I will definitely consider going back to contracting. No security is worth trading in some basic freedoms.

If I can keep remembering that there isn't always tomorrow, it just may keep me in line today. Otherwise, I'll be falling for a huge satanic lie and the cost will be huge! The one thing that cannot be banked is time.

Then a server down will be the least of my problem.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Investments: cost & worth

There comes a time when we reach a breaking point. And, when that time comes, it's time to draw our boundaries. I hit that point today and got to the point where if I don't act now, I am going to be sorry. I may find myself in a bit of trouble tomorrow, but I'll risk that instead of my health and sanity.

If anything, I always try to see myself as an investor. However, the two things I know about in investing are keeping in mind the returns and the risks. So far the returns that I am seeing are minimal at best while the risks keep climbing. My physical and mental health are starting to look like the things I am risking. The meltdowns that I am approaching are not worth it.

So, now I have some decisions to make. Run the same course or wind up sacrificing everything on the altar of futility. Unfortunately everything has a price and now I have to consider what I am willing to pay. And I need to be wiser on my investments. I remember hearing something in a movie which is now sticking with me: cost and worth are two totally different things.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Regrets

It's becomng days like these where I am starting to be filled with regrets about ever giving up being a contract CodeMonkey. Sure, it wasn't easy at times, but it was enjoyable. I felt more in control of my hours and my time. I felt I had more of a choice.

It doesn't feel like it these days. I feel like I am chained to the job more emotionally than physically and I can't break away that easily. I feel like I can't leave at the regular times that I used to and I feel like it is getting emotionally draining. It feels like it is robbing me of my choices. I feel like I traded in a lot of freedom for a little security and am getting ripped off because of it. Now I am starting to feel what I have given up.

Problem is that I don't know how I can go back, or even if I can go back. Perhaps it time to think of a new career altogether. I definitely know that I enjoy what I do with wedding photography, and that I don't seem to get enough time to enjoy it because of my job. Then again, I'm probably talking foolishness right now because I'm trying to fight the potential meltdown I'm heading into causing me even more stress.

Funny how the day that I am even recognizing this is on the eve of Yom Kippur. I didn't even think about that until now. Perhaps I have some new decisions to make regarding this reflection. Perhaps I have some prayers for new directions to ask for... And with all that is going on in the world today, is what I am asking of God even important to Him?

Getting lost is an art...

I find that these days if I want to just forget about work and "get lost", I have to practice it. It seems to be a lost artform at times.

Fortunately, I had my photography stuff today to help me not to think about work. I'll admit that I was really hoping that no one would bother me from work and I'm glad that my cellphone didn't ring. I just want to thing a about taking pictures and having fun at the weddings. This way, when it comes time for work on Monday, I'll enjoy it better. Last thing I want is to dread going back to work, because I promised myself that the moment I started hating it, I would quit.

This is why it is so important to me to try to perfect this art of getting lost. Just losng myself in making music or taking pictures and letting myself stay lost. It feels good to get away. I have to let myself do it more often.


-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Lost in Music Never Felt So Good

It's almost midnight, and is definitely past my bedtime. I got lost in music tonight, and I have never felt so good in my life about it. I haven't felt this good about getting lost in music for a long time. I have felt so uninspired for a long time. However, it all felt different tonight. I don't know what it is in Logic 9 that has inspired me but this tool must be God given, because it just lifted my spirits. I started playing with my song, "I Wanna Be..." because there was so much that I never liked about it. The bass was flabby and loose and the guitars felt mushy... at least until tonight. I decided to play with Logic's flex audio and tighten the bass to the kick drum by locking it with a groove template that I made with the kick. All of a sudden, the bass sounded so amazingly tight, that the song felt like a new song. Then I went to the guitars and played with Logic's Amp Designer and Pedalboard and I fell in love with the sound. All of a sudden, the music sounded so tight, it kicked. Next thing you know, I looked up at the clock and saw how late it was. It felt so exciting that I didn't really care. I wish the music felt like this all the time. Funny, how I never got this way out of my POD X3, and I love the sounds out of it as well. There's something in this program that just looses me in the music, and I love it. I'm totally grateful because music feels fun again. It feels like music to me. I can't wait to get lost in it again!

Consumed by work...

There is a definite problem when I start waking up in the morning thinking about nothing but work, when I should be thinking about God and all things God given.

I find that I am getting consumed by work and if anything it is no one's fault but my own for this. The real question, though, is what do I do break this? I know that if I am not careful, I am going to find myself burnt out, stressed, or extremely ill. In a way I am already finding my productivity suffering because of the lack of balance.

I think that what I need to do at times is think of things other than work. I need to think of music, or open up my bible app and read a few verses. I just need to get back into balance before I fall over the edge completely.

Grateful for the Little Things

This past week, I wound up with a gland infection. It was so bad because it was pressing both on my jaw and on my ear at the same time. It was both painful to chew and made me rather dizzy. Not to mention the huge lump on the side of my head in front of my ear that made it easily noticeable that something was wrong... just ask the doctor who saw it as she walked in the door.

Rather than whine and moan about it, I saw things a whole lot differently. To start, I praised God that it wasn't anything worse. I also knew that I would be healed by His hand in time. As it is still clearing up at the time of this blog, it also opened my eyes to the small things in life that I routinely take for granted, and today, I am really grateful for them. Here are just a few in question:

1. The ability to chew food. For the past three days, I have not been able to chew any food without excruciating pain. It was so bad at times that I couldn't close my mouth... and boy, what a pretty site that is. Joelle, being the loving, good-hearted person she is, made me the most delicious chicken soup (okay... her chicken soup is always most delicious!) so that I wouldn't have to chew much. If anything, it feels great to be able to chew again. Right now, there is just a minor discomfort, but at least it's healing.
2. Shaving. There's no way I would have trusted myself to run a razor sharp object across my face when I am dizzy. I looked like a beach bum for the past few days. I went back to work with a Hawaiian Shirt as I looked the part. No one paid any mind to the fact I didn't shave (although they did notice how swollen my face still was). They were just glad to see me back in action. I may not have been all in one piece, but at least I wasn't dizzy anymore.
3. The ability to climb stairs. Talk about a real chore when you're dizzy. I don't know what was worse: going up or going down. Mind you, I almost tripped over myself going down... I probably would have preferred to do that going up if I had to. If anything, I'm just glad that I made it both up and down the stairs safely.

Those are just a few of the things that I am sure not to take for granted any more. If anything, this made me see how much I look for that one big thing in life while totally overlooking, and missing, all of these great little things in life. I'm sure if I added up all of these little things, it would make that big thing look not so big.

Learning there are no rules... aka Crossing the Line6

Yesterday, I did something in my little aspie world that is very hard
for us to do: I broke our little rules. It may not seem like a lot to
some people, but it's huge in our world. I think in breaking those
little rules, I think I discovered that the rules themselves never
really existed and established that as a rule, even though I sort of had
that inkling that this rule was always there, considering that I have
always read it on the pro-audio forums. I needed to experience it for
myself, however... it's an aspie thang.

If anything, what I did was to combine Logic 9's Pedalboard plug-in with
my Line6 POD Farm plug-in and wound up with a monster sound. There was a
certain fullness that I loved with PedalBoard and when I combined it
with a Marshall J2000 emulation, everything just sang! Not to mention
when I put it with an Engel or a Bogner emuulation. It was like a huge
discovery to me. There was all of a sudden a wall of guitar sound that
almost had me believing that there really were amplifiers there.

For some reason, I have misled myself into believing that I needed to
keep everything either within POD Farm or Logic. Part of it was probably
believing that I would take these settings and use them on my POD X3
Live. Seeing as I probably may never get the chance to play these songs
live, what does it matter? I'm in a state of anything goes as far as
recording goes. I'm starting to mix and match a bunch of things now and
I will admit that things never sounded so good. Now, I'll see if I can
break whatever rules I have as far as mixing goes (and I think I have a
few examples to help).

Letter of love...

Perhaps I don't say it enough, or worse, demonstrate it openly enough, but there's one undeniable fact in my life that needs to known to all: I am deeply and madly in love with Joelle and I have always been.

I can still remember the day I first set eyes on her. The day she just walked into my life, looked at me and grabbed the guitar our of my hands and played a little. My heart must have been attached to my guitar at the time, because she managed to grab my heart at the same time. If anything, I didn't want to admit at the time that I was falling instantly for her, because I was afraid of getting hurt like I always did before. But something inside told me she was different. She was the one. She was my gift from God, and she still is.

Almost 30 years later, we've celebrated and we've suffered together. We've sought and we've found. We've partied and pondered. We've gone across the country and across the ocean. We've made it through feast and famine, richer and poorer, and sickess and health. But the most important thing is that we've done it all together. I couldn't imagine doing any of these things without her. I don't remember any real good in my life before she came and I definitely don't want to think of my life without her. Sure, they say that life would go on, but I don't believe that I could really function without her. She completes me in ways no one can imagine. She is truly my other half... and she is my better half. Honestly, if God took her away today, I'd be half the person I was yesterday.

Sure we argue... and we fight too. Isn't that what real married couples do? And we get hurt... if we didn't hurt, that would mean that we didn't have feelings for each other. We also heal each other and we grow stronger together and we also learn to fight with each other, as opposed to against each other. Anyone who things that you never fight or are never supposed to get hurt when you're in love with someone, is living in a fantasy land. How can you get stronger together if you don't get hurt? I wouldn't trade any of those hurts for anything. That's when you realize how much you're in love.

So what if there are things we don't get about each other. It's all good. To me, it's what makes it all exciting and worth pursuing. Don't you think it would be boring if we absolutely knew each other inside and out like a book. If we could predict every single move the other makes? I'll admit that I love it when I think she's gonna do one thing and blows my mind and does something totally opposite. Sometimes, I'll be stuck in a routine and she'll throw in a spark of spontaneity to throw me off. If anything, I'd never want Joelle to stop being Joelle, because no matter what I may think at any given time, she's perfect in my eyes.

Understanding my own reclusive world...

There are many times that I believe that Joelle doesn't understand me as well as she believes she does. She always tells me that she knows me inside and out, but when she's put to the test as far as I go, the results seem to prove otherwise especially in one particular area: I don't like to go to church alone. Even more so is that she doesn't understand that throwing me out there alone makes me want to become a recluse, and not necessarily by choice.

Now, it's not a question of God being with me. I know that God is always there and I always have that feeling. What I don't seems to have at times is that feeling of belonging there by myself. I always feel uncomfortable sitting alone. I feel lost in the many sea of faces that are there. I feel like there is no one there to pray with me, and even more so, I feel like there is no one there to pray for me. And, being autistic, it's not like I can easily just go up to someone and say hi all by myself. Or, to sit with them, or even pray with them on my own initiative is just not that easy for people like me.

In fact, you know might know me by my pattern when I do go by myself. I walk in and take a seat at the back. I often have my head down looking at the floor, or staring up into the ceiling while listening to the message (or I may switch from one to the other). When service is over, I'll often wind up being the first one out to make it to the car and leave as soon as I can, feeling a little anxious. Mind you, I often don't make it out that quickly because I often get stopped by a few people wanting to say "hi" and shake my hand. Of course, I stop and engage in a brief conversation and suddenly they're done, and with me being autistic and not being able to recognize social cues, I don't realize that the conversation is done and I feel cut off. Thus I find myself going to the car wondering what just happened. Then, all I want to do is go home and sink into my guitar, music, computers or actually do some yard work while blasting my iPod... and now I really don't want to be seen with anyone. I become very reclusive, all because I didn't really want to be alone in the first place.

Funny how it feels different when I have a guitar or a camera in my hand. I don't feel so anxious then. I almost feel "normal". Perhaps, it sort of gives me a deeper understanding of how Josh feels when he has a steering wheel in his hand. He feels so comfortable with it, even if I don't feel so comfortable being beside him. I feel more at ease with my guitar. I used to feel right at home in the moment with God when I was on a worship team, playing guitar. These days, I haven't been on a worship team for almost 6 months. Even more reason I feel so out of place when I walk into church alone. I wonder if Joelle understands that about me.

Technology seems to be against me, today...

I don't know what it is today, but it seems that all technology is
banding up against me for some reason or another. I can't seem to get
through anything today, without a piece of technology just deciding to
flip out on me.

It's starting with my in-car bluetooth device not wanting to connect to
my iPhone this morning. There's nothing wrong with the iPhone, so far,
because my in-ear device was working no problem. Next, I found when I
tried to lock my MacBook Pro, the Kensington lock was all of a sudden
loose, meaning that the security hole in it broke. Or, at least the
plastic inside the lock slot was broken. Talk about freakin' cheap
materials. I might pull off the bottom case and put epoxy around the
hole to fill that up, though. But, it's just a pain in a royal butt to
have to go through this!

It's like I've offended the machines today, yet I don't know what I did!
I wonder if it's just a lottery of computer random number generator that
they run and my number came due for computer hardship today. I don't
know. What I do know is that this totally bytes!

I'm a Guitar Hero!

Yesterday at work, my oldest son, Hank, IM's me and asks me if I have time and the ability to watch a video. So, I whip out my iPhone and go to YouTube and got this:

(In case the player doesn't show up... click here)

I'M A GUITAR HERO! At least, I am to my son Hank. He took my song, Father's Coming Home, and made it into something that he can play on Guitar Hero. When I saw this, I was floored. I was so amazed that he would make something like this for me. It may not be much to anyone else, but to me it is the one of the best homemade presents I ever received. It was something that meant a whole lot to me, and I started getting emotional at work. It really made me feel like a guitar hero. And, even if I'm not one to the rest of the world, I've become one to the people that mean the most to me, and that's what counts.

Thank you Hank for making my weekend.

Some program compilers are like women!!

I swear that there are some days where computer programming is like dealing with women! For the past few weeks, I have been programming some Flash stuff for Webkinz and today, I have found the 5 similarities between Flash's compiler and women all realized in one morning. Don't believe me? Here they are:

1) You are always forced to take out your own garbage and there's no arguing this! If I create an empty MovieClip on the stage and tie it to an object's property, that MovieClip will never get garbage collected even if I remove it from the stage, unless I declare the referencing property to be null, even though the MovieClip is contains null values. It, however, is considered a referenced object, meaning that it is in use, even though it isn't in use. There's no reasoning with the compiler. If you don't take out your own garbage, it will simply pile up, causing other problems! The MovieClip once removed is garbage. Yet, I have to deference it in order for the garbage collector to take it.

2) It speaks to other programs in their own language! They only read back our own programming to us. Heck, even decompiling a Flash SWF doesn't read the same way it was written. It twists everything we've told it to do.

3) You can do something for years and all of a sudden today, it is wrong! This was a classic encounter for me today. I was working with the Bindings class in Flash and since designing this application, it was working like a charm... until today. The basic premise of Bindings was that I can change a value somewhere in the program and this change is automatically reflected somewhere else in the application. Well, guess what... today they're not communicating. Even worse, it's telling me there's an error in the Bindings class this, which is owned by Adobe.

4) You ask what the problem is and it comes back saying, "NOTHING!" I went to look at the offending line in the Bindings class and the syntax of the line was perfectly fine. I could see no problem with the code. Go figure!!

and last but by no means least...

5) Skip a period, and it goes bonkers!!! I managed to get some really weird and unpredictable behaviour from my application, almost bringing down my test version of the site. And the problem: a period was missing from the object and because dynamic classes within Flash will not throw an error if a compile time variable is non-existant, it simply treats it as a new variable assigning the data to it. Meanwhile, the real variable is not getting what it needs and is feeling unpredictable values into the system. The system itself, went bonkers!

There you have it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to talk with a another programmer, whom I'm glad doesn't subscribe to my blogs... guess what gender she is!

Back to the ol' Mixing Board

I made one of the worst mistakes I could when it comes to mixing the last few songs: I compensated my listening areas with EQ when listening to these mixes. What I failed to realize was that while they enhanced my tunes, they hid the real problems behind the colour. Unfortunately, I didn't notice how bad the problem really was until I started turning it all off with all of the Casting Crowns and Jeremy Camp tunes, because they were sounding great without it, both in my car (remember the ASL?) and on my iPod. Both of them were compensating the bass, but it was masking the really big problem of that I applied too much annoying mids and not adding enough bass on my own. The EQ's did a great job of getting rid of the mids, while pumping up the bass. However, once I turned the EQ's off, it popped out like a sore thumb and my tonality sounds no better than a lovesick Canada Goose!

So, I was faced with a choice: live with this monstrosity, or learn from it and just re-do the mixes. Hopefully, it was easy enough to tell that I couldn't live with it. So, whenever I didn't have to put together a slideshow for our weddings, I would re-train my ears to hear just how things sounded with the Jeremy Camp and Casting Crowns on my monitors. I wanted to analyze piece by piece just how my monitors were interacting with their songs. Once I felt confident that I was ready, I then pulled apart I Wanna Be... and discovered where I went wrong.

The source of half my problems with that song was with the bass guitar. I compromised on it in both the tone and the playing. It felt awful and I let it go. Well, not this time. Where I played it with my fingers before, I grabbed a pick and played it. I also spent a couple of hours just looking for the right sound that I could use. It had to be the right amp modelling and sound both heavy and even. After finding the tone, I managed to record the new bass part in one take. It sounded great all over and I was happy. Task one done.

Task two was to get it sitting in the mix a bit better, so I added some limiting to it and some tube excitation to the low end, thus adding some 2nd harmonics. It sat in there easily and doesn't rattle the room. I compared this to my favourite Jeremy Camp tunes and they were right in there. I then brought up the kick drum and tightened it up again. Now it sounded like a a song. I then added a little trick I learned from Sound on Sound Magazine: I split the bass and added a noise gate on one of the channels which was fed by the kick drum. This made the bass pump on the verses. The song was right where I wanted it.

I then noticed that the guitars were way too muddy and scooped. I removed some of the low end mud and pumped up the mids and sent the guitars hard left and right and widened them in their respective zones. Now they sound much bigger as well as out of the way of the vocals. For the vocals, I am running them through a distressor emulation set to NUKE and 3rd order harmonics. As well, I changed the EQ emulation on it.

Now, it's starting to really sound like the song I wanted. However, the true test will be when I can listen to it on my iPod as well as in my car. That's when I will see if I have really learned from my mistakes!

Grain of Beauty...

Somehow, I have fallen in love with grain in my photos all over again. There's something about grain in a photo that just attracts my eyes to it. Joelle and I have even started to incorporate it more and more in our wedding shoots. It gives the pictures a degree of finesse that a digitally clean shot can't always provide. It makes me look at it and go, "That's a picture!"

With all of the megapixels that I have to play with, and all of the detail I get in all of the pictures, I find it easy to let go of some of it and let the grain fill it in. Don't get me wrong... I love a clean digital shot with crystal clear details and vibrant colours. But, I feel like I am just starting to realize that it is not always the be all and end all for a picture. Especially in a wedding shot, I am finding that some grain brings back some of the character and all of a sudden, the shot becomes a WOW! type of shot. I even saw this in my shots that I took in England. I felt that a lot of my London shots we not all that interesting to start. Then, I started putting some grain and even some antiqueness to the pictures that originally looked boring and all of a sudden, there was life in the pictures.

Of course, with every technique comes the responsibility of knowing when not to use it. So far, I have been fortunate enough to be able to look at a pictures and determine whether or not to apply things like grain. I would hate to take a great picture and simply trash it. But for the others, give me a little grit and I will fall in love with the shot. It's almost like you can touch it. That to me is the beauty of grain.

Rampant Daemons and Panicky Kernels...

Sunday night, both of my computers had problems... funny enough, however, their differing symptoms were the results of the same cause. The more serious one was my main Mac Pro. It was destined to shut off at 1am Monday morning. According to the logs, at 1:10am it went into kernel panic and was like that all night until I got downstairs at 6am. The fans on the unit were blowing like a 737 getting ready to take off. Fortunately, it seemed to survive and serious meltdown (as I am typing on it right now).

My MacBook Pro also had a problem with its fan... it was going rampant, though not from kernel panic. It was writing continuous logs to my hard drive, due to the syslogd daemon running wild, taking up almost all of one CPU core. After temporarily disabling the syslogd daemon, and removing the gigabytes of garbage that it was writing, I then proceeded to look at the system logs of both units and found a similar problem: remnant software that was supposed to be uninstalled by the manufacter's uninstallers didn't remove everything and they left stuff in key system areas that the system was not only waiting for, but erroring out over.

It took me all night last night to go through the system logs to find the frameworks and startups, that should not have been there, and remove them. Once removed, I brought back the syslogd daemon online and everything purred like a kitten. I even got a ton of disk space back from that. If anything, the developers are to blame along with their QA depts. They are supposed to come up with the test cases for these things and to make sure that everything satisfies those tests. Developers have to be their own QA's as well, so that everything runs smoothly. Otherwise, you have users like me ranting about how crappy your code is and how I would not infect my system with another piece of your garbage. Their crappy workmanship cost me a night of having to go through their crap without getting any of my own stuff done.

The key to a good sound in the car...

Ever since I bought my Toyota Corolla, I have generally enjoyed the sound of the car stereo... until I play a CD or hook up my iPod. Yes, the radio sounded great and I enjoyed the ride into Toronto listening to the radio. However, since I "discovered" music on demand, I couldn't get enough out of hooking up my iPod into the car and playing it.

However, the loudness wars really took its toll and everything was coming through as nothing short of WWIII. There are a lot of music casualties, as you may have read in my previous blog. Even worse was finding some of my favourite Christian Artists fell victim to the loudness wars. I'm not going to boycott their music because, other than the fact that I like it, they deserve to be heard. The thing is that they're probably not going to get re-mastered... they may be stuck with what they have. Thus, they will sound like bombs dropping in my nice little Corolla.

My previous solution was to use the Bass Reducer EQ setting on my iPod. However, I didn't want to keep doing this as I moved from car to headphone to whatever. It was nice, but it wasn't the answer...

That is, until I discovered a little setting in the car that changed it all. There's a feature in the car radio called ASL, or Automatic Sound Leveller. It's function is to supposedly adjust the loudness as the car goes faster or slower, to compensate for the road and wind noise (if you have the moon roof open). The thing is, it's not the volume that it's adjusting... it's the bass frequencies. No treble is getting adjusted, thus it is not truly adjusting the volume. It is no different than the old loudness control that was on my ol' Technics stereo. It made things seem louder, but all it did was bump up the bass frequencies, which by nature are not very loud despite the amount of energy they carry.

Once I turned the ASL off, I got a controllable sound that actually sounded like music and didn't wreak any further havoc on the victims of the loudness wars. It also opened my eyes up to how my own music was sounding in the car because I was fooling myself with all of that bass as I was driving. I know that it is going to force me to re-evaluate my last 6 or so mixes because I can now hear everything clearly and my mind is no longer clouded by the ASL in the car. ASL may be nice for the radio, as the frequency spectrum is actually limited. However, it is not good for CD's and iPod's where the frequency spectrum is not limited. If you want better sound with your music on demand, turn the ASL off! You may be glad you did.

Thrown to the wolves...

It seems like today is nothing more than the aftermath of yesterday. If anything, I'm feeling battered and bruised... but not from the day's events themselves. I'm more feeling like this from being thrown to the wolves by Joelle. I mean, c'mon, does she honestly think that I went out to deliberately put a stone chip in the windshield? I feel like crap enough from the day, and all she can do is rip a strip off of me over a stupid stone chip. Ain't that character!

It makes me wonder what's going to happen when she gets into an accident with the van... whether I will try to be as forgiving as the time she got into an accident with the last van, knocking the back bumper clean off. Or, will I simply turn my back on here and treat her just like she did to me... over a stone chip! Only problem for me is that I know it's not right in my heart to do so. Makes me wonder what's in Joelle's heart at the moment.

All I can say to Joelle today is that I hope you choke on the scripture you're teaching your study today. I hope the words you read tie up your tongue like a noose. I hope every letter weighs down your heart like a slab of lead. I hope it hits over the head with the force of a giant Torah! You dare throw me to the wolves and then preach the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ!

Like a Jenga Tower of Calamities!

Today has been nothing but a curse from the moment I woke up and I knew it then. It was just one thing after another and it wouldn't let up. Starting right from the moment I woke up:

• I went to grab my lunch from the fridge and WHAM!... a tub of Bocconcino falls to the floor, creating a crack in the tub and causing all of the liquid to leak out onto the floor.
• I go to fill up my water bottle and the ice falls to the floor.
• At work, I am refactoring my code and all of sudden, everything stops working. It took me almost 2 hours to fix all of the libraries.
• I find out from from one of the other developers that our application was supposed to work a different way than the artwork that was supplied to us. As a result, I had to re-code the functionality of my qualifiers.
• Going home, a stone hits my windshield out of nowhere, causing a huge stone chip in it, requiring repairs.
• Joelle blames me for the stone chip... she seems to think that I deliberately went out and drove into it. How nice... the perfect wife!
  

It's like, what the hell is going on today??!!

The only real thing that kept me going was singing along to my favourite Jeremy Camp tunes while the enemy was using my ass as a dartboard! That's right... I said ass! I'm in a bad enough mood right now and if you're offended by it, then you were stupid enough to read this far.

Some people should not be in the computer profession...

A friend of mine pointed me to this little question at one of the online forums:

hi all,

IntTemp = Int((255 * Rnd()) + 1)

I used above ASP.NET code.

Problem is in " Rnd() "
Rnd() value is changing everytime.

What is the alternative for Rnd()? OR How will stop Rnd() value changes at everytime?

What's wrong with this picture?? I'll tell  you what's wrong... the guy should be flippin' burgers or conducting audits. He shouldn't be coding! Of course Rnd() is changing everytime... that's a distinct characteristic of a Random number generator. If it didn't change, it would be a bug.

That ranks up there with one of the systems admins I work with who couldn't operate a microwave oven. And they control the servers that handle 13 million users? Perhaps, we need a command line on the microwave oven... they can't handle a gui interface. Perhaps, make the microwave oven scriptable.

Oh well... that's my personal laugh for the day!

Kids will be kids... and some parents will be MORONS!

I was in Stone Road Mall today, spending some time with my youngest son, Joshua, when we were on our way to the food court when this little kid with an ice cream cone walks into me and his cone rubs on my jacket sleeve. I'm looking at my jacket and while not overly happy, I inspect my sleeve and the dad just goes, "oh well, get a cloth and wipe it off...". I'm like looking at him thinking, "you idiot". The mom tries to make good of the situation and hands me a serviette to wipe my sleeve off and the dad is like, "what can you do... kids will be kids".

I replied back, "parents should be parents!", which was met with a "what am I supposed to you". I told him, "try WATCHING your kid". Too bad I didn't say to try to teaching your kid to say sorry, MORON! Even more so, try apologizing yourself on behalf of the kid rather than to act like an apathetic ass!

Almost wanted to wipe my sleeve on his t-shirt and go "oh well". However, I didn't want to set a bad example for Joshua. For once, I really wanted to be the better person and walking away was the hardest thing to do. I don't know if I handled it right, but I know that something inside wanted to beat some sense into that idiot of a dad. Heck, the kid was simply being a kid. It's the dad that pissed me off! I truly hope that the kid takes after his mom when he grows up, rather than become the subject of a useless angry rant of a blog post of someone else (who wants to believe the best in people, and finds that he simply can't at times) when his kids bumps into them with some food.

At this time, I don't know who needs more prayer... him for teaching his kid to grow up to be a moron like him, or me for believing that he is doing so and ranting about it!

Turn that @#$*& DOWN!!

Now I remember why I hardly bought any CD's between 2000 and 2007. They sound like total crap! My car proves this very well. Yesterday, I decided to listen to Rush's Vapour Trails on my morning drive into work and Kiss' Psycho Circus on the way home. Both were mastered in that era under some muppet in the recording industry who believed that louder is better, telling the mastering engineer to crank the limiter up to where it all sounds like mush! There was way too much low end on those CD's that were totally rattling my speakers to the point where I had to turn down the bass. Hell, the kick was obscuring the entire the song. I couldn't hear any bass guitar. Heck, I couldn't hear any vocals either. Then there was this sibilant treble that was just killing my ears to the point where I just turned it down. Talk about ruining the total experience!! I was bummed because after listening to them in the car, I listened to them again on my iPod with headphones and I started hearing that crap.

In contrast, I put on my ol' David Lee Roth collection, which were done in the 80's and 90's, in the car and it sounded beautiful, no matter how I had the tone and volume controls. I totally enjoyed the ride and was able to turn it up the way I like it. It didn't feel like mush and there were enough dynamics that I could get a huge snap out of the kick the pushes the bass guitar, rather than obscures it. Not to mention that the guitars are totally cutting through everything. And the vocals had presence on them. Even some of the lesser known songs sounded like hits by comparison. Even more so is that it sounds like that on my iPod. I was feeling excited because it just sounded the way I wanted it to sound.

It definitely makes me think as to how I want my CD's to sound now. I'm at the point where I may back things off a couple of db on the limiter, only because I want to hear everything. I don't want louder... I want better. I think it's time to ease back on the compression and let the dynamics shine through. Who cares if it's not as loud as Joe Blow's CD... you can turn up the volume if you want it louder. Not to mention that I want it to sound the same on my iPod as well as my car... just like my pre-millenium mastered CD's.

And the record companies think that louder is better... my rear!

All I really have is all I really need

This morning, God spoke to me about the Widow at the Synagogue giving up her last two coins. Sometimes, it takes a friend to help me realize that some of the things that I am looking for is unnecessary. In my Birthday Wishes blog post, I expressed my reading inadequacies compared to Joelle's, with the possibility that I was misleading myself into believing that I would establish a greater understanding, of God in particular. My friend pointed out to me that God reaches us in ways that are unique to us. Yes, I don't have the patience to read the Bible. What I did discover is that I have the patience to have the Bible read to me. Not only the patience, but I find that I can absorb it in far greater measures than I can with reading. My eyes and mind wander off with reading. I stay focused when listening. This point was proven this weekend when our nephew was over at our place and Joelle read the first 5 chapters of John to him. I was able to sit and absorb those entire five chapters. I didn't move from my seat. I didn't wander mentally. I was there, as I closed my eyes and shut off all visual distractions and just listened. It was great.

I often feel inadequate when I go to church... or at least I feel that I am made to feel inadequate because I never take my printed Bible with me, and I'm always feeling questioned by the pastor when he says things aloud like, "for those that didn't bring their Bible" or "what is your Bible sitting on the shelf for" or something else along that vein. I don't bring my Bible because I feel that I do much better hearing it from pastor. Just like I do much better listening to when Joelle reads it to me. This reminded me of the Widow because I'm made to feel like I'm inadequate because what I do come with is something that is almost taken for granted by them.

I come with my ears and my listening mind. Those are my two coins. However, they are the most valuable coins that I have ever owned and given. I give  my ears and attention to the pastor. I soak in the vibrations and let it touch my soul and make it resonate, just as music makes it resonate. I pick things up that way. That's far greater to me than any printed word.

It doesn't mean that I don't need the Bible. Quite the contrary. What I probably don't need is to pain myself unnaturally by trying to look at words on the page to get the message. I can use my strengths and listen to the Word being read to me and learn that way. After all, long before there was the Gutenberg press, people spoke the Bible to each other. I can definitely study and experience God in this way and not feel as if I am missing something. I don't need anything more than what I already have to get the experiences that I desire. I have the Bible in my iTunes library and on my iPod. That's all I really need.

And don't get me wrong... I do read. But, I still don't have the patience for it. And when my favourite magazines start shipping out their articles in audio format, I will immediately change my subscriptions to them. Fortunately, Sound on Sound does have audio examples on their web site to help me digest the printed word a little better, and for that I am wholly grateful.

My Birthday Wish

As I turn 46 tomorrow (May 9), I have some birthday wishes. The things I wish for are not things that anyone can buy me. In a way, they go much deeper than that. The one thing that I am grateful for is the fact that I have been able to surpass my dad's age by a few years already. Unfortunately, he only made it to 42 and never saw his grandchildren. I have been blessed with seeing 3 grandchildren. My first wish is to be able to see more grandchildren. I know it will happen one day. Just to be able to hold them and talk to them and tell them I love them. I already do, and they're not even here yet. I love all my grandchildren. I can't wait to go to Calgary with Joelle and see Cassidy and Connor at Christmas. Being a few thousand miles away is heartbreaking at times. It's gonna feel like home when we go out there.

My next wish is to be able to see Joshua grow up and be a man. Despite the fact that I feel like I am living with myself, which I have enough trouble with, and that his Aspergers can be a real test to parenthood, especially when a parent has Aspergers, Josh is such a part of my life that I could never imagine my life without him now. I know that despite my disposition, there are things that I can offer him. I want to see him happy, and hopefully married with children of his own. I wish that he finds a patient, understanding and strong woman... just like I am fortunate to have.

I also wish to have a greater understanding of God. I'll admit that I am often jealous of Joelle's insight when it comes to God and the Bible... but it's really my own fault. I don't have a whole lot of patience to read. Heck, I'm even that way with the things I love, like audio production books and magazines. My reading skills are rather pathetic. My vocabulary stinks. It's amazing that I have been able to write some of the songs that I have. It was more likely that God, Himself, wrote it, rather than me. However, it affects my reading skills and I lose my place wherever I am reading. I don't see how I can improve my focus long enough to read a chapter or two of the Bible at a time. But, I wish I could. Something inside wants to know more about God on a deeper level. I know He does more than exist.

And my final wish goes beyond my understanding of God, life and everything in between. I want to experience life... and I mean really experience life. I want to not just live... I want to be alive. I want to be full of life. I want to experience God, Jesus, life, and everything else that goes along with it. I want to feel it on such a deep level. I don't want it just to scratch my skin. I want it to penetrate into my soul. I don't just want to reach out with my fingers. I want to reach out with my spirit. Everything that is me wants to reach out and touch all of God's creations and I want to enjoy His creations and miracles on a level that far surpasses my physical being. I want to experience life on this level so that when I do experience death, I will be able to take these life experiences with me and thank God for His grace in letting me experience it. I know that I will have to stand in His court one day and I'm sure He'll ask me if I lived... I want to be able to shout out YES! with great joy. Isn't this the same life with joy that God promised everyone who confesses Jesus as their Saviour? I am saved... now I want to do more than just know I am saved. I have willingly lost my life to Jesus and have been reborn... I want to LIVE this reborn life! I want to experience this reborn life! I don't want to merely exist! I want my soul to sing... that's living.

Those are my wishes for my birthday.

We Don't Have Time... We Make Time

This is a lesson that I have learned a long time ago. We are not blessed with a lot of time on this earth. We have to make the best of what we have. Life is full of distractions that all want a piece of our time. Let's face it, we all the the same excuse not to do something: I can't find the time. And then we wonder why we're stressed out, and why we always feel like we're missing out on things. A classic example is a friend of mine at work who is mentally exhausted and is under stress. I advised her to go for a run or a bike ride, as well as simply breathe. The response back was, "I will if I can find the time".

We don't have time... we make time.

I had to make a conscious decision to make time to ride my bike, and try to reach my goal of 20Km in 30 minutes. There were a lot of things that want to get in my way, including things that I want to do. However, I have to put my health first because if I don't have that, everything else is moot. There's a line I love from The Ten Commandments when Moses was accused by Ramses and Seti for giving the slaves one day in seven to rest and raided the temple granaries. Charlton Heston comes back and says, "Cities are made with bricks and bricks are made by slaves. The strong make many, the weak make few... and the dead make NONE!"

I know I am not productive when I am thinking about work 24/7. I actually do better work when I step away and ride my bike, play guitar, mix some music or take some pictures. Anything that takes my mind off of things for a while. The problem will still be there when I get back... and when I do get back, I have had the ability to think through and fix the problem. More time never helped. Time away did. But, I have learned that I have had to make that time. Leaving for home when it is time to go is a conscious decision. I have had to lose any guilty feelings about it, as my health and that of my family comes before work. Otherwise, work won't matter.

I don't know if I have lived half my life, or most of my life. Only God knows that. What I do know is that I am probably not going to be saying on my deathbed, "I wish got more work done at the office..."

Welcome to my meltdown...

Yes... it's Friday and the beginning of the month. However, that doesn't matter, as I have always said that Fridays are an adjective and not an attitude. My proof: meltdowns don't know the day of the week. Further proof: I'm living through a meltdown at the moment and I'm in such an emotionally fragile state that I feel like I am walking on emotional eggshells at the moment. It's like hearing the ticking of a time bomb waiting for it to go off.

I've been already cycling through all my meltdown mood swings and feel all of my thoughts running through my mind like a hurricane. If anything, I'm trying to hold it all together, especially while I am at work. After all, we don't talk about our feelings here. And, if we do, no one really understands an aspie so they either treat you like some freakin' emotional basket case or they avoid you altogether in order that they don't feel like they are going to upset you and possibly think you're gonna go postal or something.

Like I said, all I need to do is hold it all together. Just keep my mind focused, and programming is often a great way for me to do that. Guitar would be better, but I don't have one with me while I am in the office (funny how there was one in Trapeze that I could just grab and play if I really needed to), so I will simply have to make do. At the moment, it's simply emotional survival mechanisms. Fortunately, I do have my iPod that I can bury myself into and get to programming, until I can get home. The worst part is that I have to try to hold it all together while I am driving. So many things are happening that it feels like one big blurry moment, and just getting through it is all I want to do.

It's funny how my technical side wants to analyze every moment of this meltdown, though. I think I am looking for a pattern... I'm so used to patterns in almost everything I do, including web development. I think I want to find the pattern so I can try to break it. Perhaps, I can rewire the aspie mind, and use those meltdowns for positive change.

Even funnier is the thought of this is getting exciting...

Okay! Here's the goal: 20 in 30

I've been going about my goals all wrong. Here I am thinking that what I want is a just to lose the gut and drop some pounds. However, it has me almost tied to the scale and makes me wonder if it's ever going to work. If anything, I have discovered something just as measurable and one of the more fun goals I want to attain which I am sure will give me a more capable body to meet it. Instead of eying a scale and measuring tape, I should be eying the odometer of my bike.

Yes! The odometer.

Right now, I have managed to build myself up to being able to pedal about 13Km in roughly 30 minutes (16Km on a great day). That's a cycling speed of about 26Km/h on a good day. That's not bad, but I know that I can do better. Much better. Thus, my goal is to be able to reach a cycling speed of 40Km/h to be able to do a distance of 20Km in 30 minutes. As crazy as it sounds, I believe that I can achieve this, even with my leg as it is. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to get this speed on my bike. This obviously means that I am going to have to watch everything I eat, which I have been doing for the last 2 months... and I have lost over 10lbs, and lots of training on the bike. I have make progress from 9Km in 30 minutes to 13Km on average. That's not bad in the past 4 months. It's now time to take it to the next level. This will be a lot more fun... and a fit body will then be a happy side benefit from this.

I know that this is doable and I am going to reach it, or die trying! I can feel it in my innards!

ARRRGGHH!! This is what I get for not checking CD's when I buy them!!

The Saturday before I went to England, I went out and bought Rush's Snakes and Arrow's Live CD as well as the DVD set. Of course, I went straight to the DVD's first because I love watching them live and was able to watch it while I was getting things ready for the trip. However, I never got the chance to put the CD's on my iPod until this past weekend.

Sure enough, I have a bad CD!!!

Talk about a huge letdown. Even worse is that it is out of HMV's defect period. Sometimes I feel that this is the price I pay for trying to be honest. Some shmoe at HMV is probably going to say, "I'm sorry... I'd love to help you but I can't!" Which means that I would have to go and purchase another set, just because I'd rather do things honestly, while their fat cats in the back room are probably snickering at how they got another one. And to think it's not even Tuesday, which is the day I'd expect this type of crap to happen!

It definitely serves me right: always check all of your CD's and DVD's right when you get home. Don't wait, lest you suffer this fate and wind up having to take it up the matzah-stuffed kishka like a man!

Everything I know about Finger Drumming, I learned from watching Neil Peart

To start, I'm a guitarist and have been one for over 35 years. However, I have always been a finger drummer. Put me on a real drum set and I'm useless. Give me a desktop, and I can tap out some decent beats. It helps me when I am writing songs. I have been using a Korg padKontrol for a while and I have been able to drum it out using my fingers, just like I have been doing it on my desk at work for decades. I found it has taken me a long way past programming the beats on a keyboard and I certainly won't be using a drum unit. Of course, my drum rompler of choice is BFD2... I've been stunned at the realism of that package.

Where did I learn my finger drumming chops? From watching my favourite drummer of course... Neil Peart! I never miss a chance to pick up a Rush video and while I definitely get off on their music, I don't pick 'em up solely for Alex or Geddy's playing (they're fantastic instrumentalists and I do try to model both my guitar and bass playing after those two... and I'm sorry guys, if by some freak chance you read this blog). I buy them because I love watching Neil Peart live on the drums. Why? So, I can try and figure out how to transfer everything he does with his arms and legs to my fingers. Yes... I try to emulate his drum beats with my fingers so that I can take it to my padKontrol and making beats. I know that in many ways I don't sound like Neil Peart, but in many other ways, I am much better for it and it has tremendous effects on my songwriting, comparing my music today to a lot of my earlier efforts.

If anything, it has been a real treat these days to watch "A Work in Progress" and "Anatomy of a Drum Solo", both by Neil Peart. I originally bought them for Joelle because she loves to play drums, but I find I'm getting more out of them than she is. I feel like I have all of Neil Peart's attention and I have been able to just watch him drum while hearing the music (or just watching him drum). Even better is that he talks about them on the videos and is showing some insights into his technique. If anything, I have been able to take even closer looks with these videos to see how I can do this with my fingers to make it sound like his rhythms and fills. I've been trying to take his drum rudiments and apply it to my fingers.

I first got inspired with the double-stroke rolls. All of a sudden, my snare sounds started sound more Peart-like with the rolls. Then working with kick drum rolls and triplet fills really got me going. Right now, I'm working on single and double paradiddles with my fingers and my wrists and brain are both hurting from it. It will probably take me a few weeks to get, but once I get it, I'm sure you'll start hearing it in my songs. I'm also benefitting from another video that I once bought for Joelle, from Steve Smith. Plenty more exercises to translate to my fingers and again, they are showing up in my finger drumming.

This has also opened my eyes as to how I need to arrange my pads on my padKontrol. I definitely don't like Korg's default setting for BFD or General MIDI. If anything, I have configured the pad arrangement to match my fingers for playing certain beats. And, if an arrangement doesn't match, I make another arrangement that works for that finger pattern. And again, I got a lot of this type of inspiration from watching Neil Peart.

Until Finger Drumming instructional videos come out, I would suggest watching your favourite drummers and translating their movements to your fingers. Then practice a few rudiments with your fingers... and keep at it. Maybe, I should take a shot at making a finger drumming video.

HELP! I'm infatuated with heavy bottoms...

... as far as my mixes go, that is!

It seems that the last two mixes that I have been doing have been bottom heavy. I mean, I love the tonality that I am now getting from the mixes, but I notice that "I Wanna Be..." has way too much howl in the kick that it's not only overtaking its snap, but it's drowning everything else out and all you hear is low end kick howl. All of the chunky guitarwork gets lost. And, this gets really noticeable in the car. Funny enough, my iPod with my Bose headphones don't pick up this mud, let along my monitors. I probably have my subwoofers set too low. Perhaps, if I turn them up, I'll get the howl I'm noticing.

If that doesn't beat all, I got a fantastic tonality out of the bass guitar in "In The Eyes of a Stranger". However, in that song, the bass is way too loud and is drowning out all of the other instruments. As much as I love the bass, it need cutting by about 6db, if not more.

So, what I am going to do about this heavy bottom infatuation?

First things first! I'm going to play a bunch of tunes through my monitors so I can refresh my ears as to how to translate what I am hearing. I'm also going to have to tune up my ears at the same time. Once having done this, I am then going to re-examine my mixes and set the levels properly using what I know as a reference. Hopefully, this three step program will help cure my infatuation with heavy bottoms.

Zagging pays off...

Today, I realized that with a calm and clear mind, it helps to get through tough situations and the payoff today was "zagging" while everyone else was "zigging". A big accident on the 401 blocked the highway up for about 20Km. Of course, the real trick was that I had my father-in-law in the car today as I was taking him home, so I had to make it to work on time. Did I mention that I thought I had things covered by leaving early?

Sure enough, when we got to James Snow Parkway, I figured that I would not get anywhere further by staying on the 401. So, I got off and proceeded down James Snow Parkway. Of course, all of the main streets going east were blocked solid. So, I told my father-in-law, we're going to go west back to Route 25 and take the 407 from there. All of the roadways were moving smoothly towards 25 and down to the 407.

I estimated that I did an extra 20 minutes of driving, than I normally do, to get back to the origin point of the 407 and 401 where I would have gotten on, but I figured that it was better than taking the routes that everyone else did, because I think that I would have been another hour to 90 minutes just trying to get to the 407. Not to mention that I think I got there in excellent time and even though I got here a bit later than I usually do, I still made it technically on time, as I am early all other days.

Of course, my father-in-law believed that I knew my way around, but to be honest, I was a little concerned about getting lost. However, I did maintain a calm and clear mind. That really helped.

Taking Care of an Old Friend...

Once again, as I clean and polish my Ibanez Artist 2630 guitar that I have had the pleasure of playing for the last 30 years, I have once again come to think of it as an old friend. That guitar has been with me through all my ups and downs with life. It's a very soulful friend, indeed. It's almost like a part of me when I play. When I'm happy, it sounds happy. When I'm in pain, it sounds in pain. It plays how I feel. It's practically the only electric I have that can do this.

I still view it the same way I believe God views me: not perfect, but in caring sounds can do amazing things. I see that it gets a fresh coat of polish and a good wipe, along with a change of strings every once in while, just as God sees my needs and makes sure that I am fed, clothed and sheltered. I hold it close and watch over it, just as God holds me close and watches over me. I restored it when it suffered damage due to a water heater explosion, just as God restored me after suffering an almost total meltdown.

Sure you may think, "it's just a guitar". Then again, I'm just a human. Just as you won't find another me, you won't find another guitar like this one (even if you do find a 2630 somewhere).

Getting back at the telemarketers!

The following is a conversation between a telemarketer and me that took place today. It started off with the following recorded message:

"This is the 2nd notice that the warranty on your vehicle is about to expire. If you do not act now, you will no longer be eligible for extended coverage of your vehicle. If you would like to speak to a representative, please press '1'"

Of course you can tell that I was not going to turn down this opportunity to speak to our Professional Expert Sale Telemarketer (aka PEST). So here we go:

PEST: Thank you for calling our vehicle warranty department. Now if you would be kind enough to answer a few questions...

jord: Sure, after you can answer me one question.

PEST: And what is that?

jord: What kind of car do I drive?

PEST: For privacy reasons, we can't reveal that information.

jord: You have my phone number, which obviously doesn't seem to be private. From there, you can find my address and there you can simply drive to my house and see my car sitting on my driveway. From there, you can get my vehicle records from the Ministry of Transport. All of this is public information. So, if you can't tell me what kind of car I drive, then how can you tell my warranty is expiring?

PEST: Our company is going to put your number on our do not call list. Have a great day...

*click*

I only wished two things:
1) I could have recorded the call at the time
2) Joshua was here to listen to it... he would have loved it.

By the way, the telemarketer's number showed up on my phone as (909) 650-9173 so feel free to bother them just as they bothered you about your "warranty". Next time, it will be an MP3 of our conversation. So much for being a "Do Not Call" list in the first place. It only seems like it's a directly for telemarketers. It's like answering SPAM.

Rock Music is not Un-Godly... only Un-Godly Rock Music is!

Last night, I was so excited that my Jimi Hendrix Electric Ladyland Deluxe Collector's Edition arrived. I was so anxious to see how one of my fave albums was made. If anything, it was, and still is, a masterpiece and the opportunity to climb inside the minds behind it is rare, especially since Hendrix died almost 40 years ago. I was excited about this, that I wanted to share it with Joelle.

You can almost imagine the rain I felt on my parade as I proceeded to express my excitement about this, only to hear her say, "I no longer listen to rock music... it's Un-Godly."

SAY WHAT????

Has she been listening to Paster Fletcher Brothers or something? Since when is rock music un-Godly, especially since a lot of my favourite artists these days are rather big on a Christian music scene??? Artists like Third Day, Michael Tate, Delirious, and others, sound amazing to me and make me want to stand up and play it out in the name of God! I don't listen to any devil-worshipping metal crap. Heck, that stuff is Un-Godly by its own presentation of evidence!

Who is Joelle to judge? Here's a bit of judgement: her taste in music has turned to crap... and country music ain't any more Godly! Even worse is that she no longer plays any music. If anything, the music has left her life... and probably has done so long ago.

Then I get the, "don't feel insulted" shtick. Of course I feel insulted. I don't care if she doesn't want to listen to some good ol' classic rock style of music. But to call it Un-Godly is calling me Un-Godly, and I have been giving God my all when it comes to music. Sure, I did have dreams of being famous and stuff... they may be dashed in some ways, but in other ways, I am getting some degree of fame on the net and I am able to spread my passion for the gospel through music. And to call that Un-Godly is wrongfully judgmental.

I'm almost in a spot where I don't feel like I can ride in the same car with her just because I don't want to listen to her music. I'd rather drive by myself because I can listen to whatever tunes I want without any judgmental remarks from her. She can watch her CMT channel all she wants... I'll go downstairs and make some real music... and it's real because I can feel it. It moves me and makes me want to move. Even more so, I will not ask her musical opinions on any more CD's that I am working on and I don't expect her to sing on any of them.Sadly enough,  I think Mirrored Images is done. It's just God and me now. Time to mourn her taste in music and move on.

Web 2.0 vs. ActionScript 3.0

Web 2.0 is still half-baked when it comes to making things happen for the web. I was hoping to create a simply slide show player that could be used for our photography web site, so that I wouldn't have to rely on any outside plug-ins. I also wanted it to be able to play on various devices capable of internet surfing. So, I spent a week going over what it would take to simply go through an array of images supplied dynamically, load them up and fade them in, pause for a couple of seconds, load the next image, fade out the current image when the next one has completely loaded, and the fade the next image in and the cycle repeats itself. Sounds easy...

Not for web 2.0.

If I got it to do one thing, it would crap out in another. Either that, or it would work in Firefox, Safari, Opera and everything else, except Internet Explorer. Or, it would load the first image great and then the next image would load in all distorted. It was just one thing after another and no two platforms would play it identically as set out in my style sheets.

After about 4 hours of sleep yesterday, I woke up in the morning going, "Forget it! I know what I have to do in Flash and can get it done in ActionScript 3.0 before the bridal show ends!" That's right... I had a deadline to make this work. It took me only 15 minutes to make a PHP page that will talk to Flash and help set up the slideshow. From there, I designed and wrote all of the ActionScript to accomplish everything that I needed to do for the slideshow. I managed to get it all done in ActionScript 3.0 in a matter of hours where Web 2.0 still couldn't get it right after a week of messing with it. I can live with the fact that it won't show up on anyone's iPhone or iPod Touch for now. However, any browser that does have Flash 9, which would amount to over 95% of them, will play the slideshow alike. No deviations and no quirks.

So, in my battle between Web 2.0 and ActionScript 3.0, the winner was ActionScript 3.0! The proof is in the results.