Have you ever been invited to a "friend's" house with a group of your other friends? It sounds okay at first until the host invites everyone to play your favourite game... that is, everyone but you. The worst part is all your invited friends know that it is your favourite game, and they really can't do anything about it because they don't really want to upset the host and lose them as a friend. So, of course, you go away from the party feeling empty and slightly rejected. What's worse at times is the fact that you accept an invitation to the host's next party in hopes you'll gain their acceptance, and sometimes you feel like this is your only friend, even though there are other friends out there waiting to accept you. Even worse is doing this repeatedly, only to get the same result and feelings over and over again.
Discouraging, isn't it...
That's how I feel about church right now... at least the church I'm going to.
The one thing that I love to do is be a part of a worship team. I feel that I am filling out my role and serving the church when do this. It makes me passionate about serving God, sharing His love through music. In fact, I get so wild with passion doing it that at times I will almost swear that it is not me. I can't help it... that's how I understand the love of God and the passion of Christ. There are some people that will go as far as to say that this is my ministry. All I know is that it is my passion to share God's love through music.
However, this church doesn't seem to want to me to share my passion. They would rather have me get lost in the crowd. They're rather closed to anyone joining or creating a worship team and the pastor doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to upset anyone. For me, this is rather discouraging not to let anyone else take part in a church that claims to be a community based church. There are people that want to share their passion and are being suppressed, while those who make it seem more like a religion go up and attempt to lead the congregation.
It's got to a point where I don't want to go anymore and be a part of a place that doesn't really want me to be a part of. It breaks my heart to feel like this to feel suppressed. I know that I don't really have to go back, but it also feels like at times that I don't have any other place to go that I know I can be a part of. At this point in time, I'm unsure of what to do and only God can guide me. I definitely feel as if I'm in the middle of nowhere.
