I'm still here... so treat me like it!

I have to admit that I am a bit peeved at some people's attitudes at the moment. Yes, it's a given that I am leaving my job. However, I have not left yet. I haven't even checked out in my mind. I don't plan to do that until it's time to officially check out. So, why are people talking to me with the belief that because I am leaving, I don't care what happens now, and after I am gone?

Nothing could be further from the truth. I am still making sure that my team is highly functional and that we can still hit the tight deadlines that have been driven by the executive business end. Not only that, I am trying to make sure that my successor is able to step in as easily as possible without believing that he has walked into a nightmare that may have been left behind. There is plenty to do and I feel that I have a responsibility to get it done. Just because I am excited about the new opportunities and possibilities, that in no way means that I can simply forget everything that I have tried to put in place here. I do not wash my hands of anything until it is officially time to leave the table. I make no apologies for being this way.

So, when you talk to me at work, don't talk to me like I am leaving. Talk to me like I am still here ensuring that everything that I need to get done, gets done. Talk to me believing that I still have the company's objectives in mind. If you feel the need to talk to me like I am gone, and do not possess the will or desire to change this, then please do me the favor and just treat me as if I am gone and don't approach me. This way, you will be making room for someone else who knows that I am still here and is willing to serve them in order to get things done and help them meet their objectives.


-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

The God I Know...

It's no secret that I am starting a new job soon. What people may not realize is how it came about and what prompted my decision to take this job. After all, I had no dissatisfaction with my current job. So what made this different? The answer, at least to me, is rather simple: God was in the decision. In fact, He was in this whole situation every step of the way. Here is my testimony:

The fact that I had applied to this place back in 2003 and consistently tried for about 5 years only to give up, having met up time after time with repeated computerized form letters telling me thanks but I am not qualified for the position and so on and so on, showed that I was doing this under my own power and was amounting to nothing of my own account.

The difference all started when they reached out to me, in an email, asking "if I knew anyone that was interested in such a position". Of course I knew someone... me! I was like, "God, can this be true? A human being from this company is actually contact me?" So, I sent back the response along with my resume indicating my interest and stated to God, thanking Him that even if I got no further, I got further than I ever did in this company.

I then received a second email from this person asking me to answer a few questions before we proceeded. I was amazed because this never happened before. I answered the questions as honestly as I could. Funny enough, it got to the part where they asked why I want to leave my current job. I stated on it that I had no reason to leave. I even told them about my current boss. I had nothing but positive things to say. In fact, I was giving them more reasons why I didn't really need this new job. However, I was honest and kept it that way. Before I sent it off, I once again said a prayer giving my thanks to God that even if I got no further than this, I have gotten even further than I ever did in this company.

Then came a request for a phone interview.

Again, I ask God if this can be true. Is this from Him? Is it by God's will? Has God seen a certain discouragement in my heart that He would go, "It's time!"? So many questions that I can think of, and many more that I cannot even express. Of course, I said YES! to the phone interview and tried to set it up so that I would not be late going into work. Sure enough, we started at our scheduled time and we talked... and talked... and talked. It was great. It seemed the both of us had a lot to say about this and I thought we had a great interview. Already, they were starting to feel like a company that I wanted to be a part of. I lost track of time but I didn't care because I felt that if this was from God, I was going to give it all that I had. Sure enough, God must have met me half way because when I looked up from my car, situated in the parking lot of my current job, the entire building had been evacuated and everyone was outside. What happened was that the men's toilet upstairs suffered a broken pipe which shorted out a light circuit, probably causing sparks. No one hurt, but bought time as I wasn't considered late. As I hung up the phone, I once again thanked God heavily because this was the most I ever got with this company and even if it got no further, I was totally grateful.

Then came a request for a face-to-face interview.

You can bet I was asking God again those same questions. After all, I had to know. I had to know if this was from Him. Of course, I said YES! I did the face-to-face interview with their team lead and a couple of their senior developers and we were talking almost everything technical about Flash. I showed them how I managed to solve certain problems. Heck, I was even drawing things out on their whiteboard. I left feeling great about the interview. Before I drove off, I prayed in my car. I thanked God again because even if I got no further, I have NEVER made it further than this!

About an hour later, I get a phone call. They phoned wanting to schedule an interview. I told them sheepishly, "I... just... had an interview?" They were like, "I know... they want a second interview". How could I refuse. God must has have been at work here because they were kind enough to set up a very early morning interview, so I wouldn't be losing any real time from work. But, of course, I still had to know if it was from Him. Let's face it... 5 years of nothing, and this is happening faster than a could ever have imagined. I spoke with the manager this time. It didn't go as well as the tech, in my opinion. I stumbled. Despite my own disappointment in myself, I was still totally grateful once again. God brought me further than I ever was. I was not going to be disappointed in the least.

Then came the wait...

Joelle would ask me anxiously if I heard anything. At that time, I was certain that if this was to come from God, then He would deliver it in His time and in His way. I kept telling Joelle that either way, I will be grateful and if it doesn't happen, I am still very happy at my current job and am not going to look any further. This would happen a few times and Joelle agreed with me. I think she knew that I would only do this if God were in it. In the meantime, I would have exchanged a few e-mails with their HR expressing my thanks again for the opportunities to meet with them. I told them that it was a real pleasure regardless of the outcome. However, I knew not to ask about the status because I was just going to let it go and leave it in God's hands. I was sure that He knew what was going on and if it was not in His will at this time, I still made it further than I could have on my own power.

Four days before we were to go on vacation, I got a phone call. It was a job offer there. I was totally excited. I was standing outside talking on my phone freezing but I DIDN'T CARE! We talked for about 30 minutes and they could see my excitement. It wasn't just for the job and the tremendous possibilities that it carries. It was because it was from God. I was sure of it. How? Well, I had to take care of some formalities within those four days before I was to go on vacation. Once again, I tried on my own power and hit road blocks right up to the last day, despite not only my efforts, but HR's attempts to help.

However, I was certain that God would deliver! At this point I had no doubt that it was from God because I knew that if it was from God, He would ride in at the last minute with trumpets blaring. I even told Joelle this. I was so certain because this is the God that I know. He set everything up so that He could show me how He works. Sure, it's probably a small thing for Him, but it was huge to me. Sure enough, God did just that. I needed an official signature and God delivered one hours before we were to go away. I got everything off and once again, was to wait until after my vacation.

After wrapping up a few more details when I got back from my vacation. I got a phone call about a week later confirming my start date. After giving huge thanks to God once again as I hung up my phone, I also prayed that I do things right in preparing to say good-bye to my current place of work. Knowing that God was leading me every step of the way, I don't want Him to stop leading as the time comes to leave to go to my new job. In fact, I know He won't stop leading because He brought me this far...

... and I have NEVER been able to go this far on my own!

Faster, faster

I've been making a crucial mistake in my workouts... one that could have killed me. I deluded myself into believing that I would get a better workout by increasing the resistance on my bike. If anything, it was giving me the reverse effect. Even worse was that I was piling on more resistance and straining myself out.

This was starting to exhibit a reverse effect on my health. My energy level dropped considerably. I was always worn out. Even my voice was in terrible shape. Not to mention that I wondered why I was not losing weight.

It was definitely time to reconsider what I was doing. When I finally started to watch my calories, both in what I was eating and what exercising, I cut the resistance down drastically, and pedaled, probably for my life. If anything, I'm going for the calories. Now, I'm noticing the positive effects.

I've learned that pedaling faster is more important than pedaling harder. I'm seeing my energy level climbing and my weight dropping. Even my voice sounds a lot livelier.

My goal right now is to hit racing speed. The good news is that after last night, I seem to be 0.8mph away from achieving this. And once I reach this, I will try to take it even faster. I'd almost say that my life depends on everything that I have learned recently.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Letting Go

After over 35 years of playing guitar, I have made an incredible discovery: if I let go of my guitar while it is hanging on me with a strap, it doesn't move. Isn't that neat? Well, to me it is.

Here's why:

Ever since I have been playing guitar, I have always grabbed the neck so tight, it would make it impossible to not only play faster, but it would also be a pain to shift positions. Thus, I would rarely ever stray from one position when I am playing a lead run. Of course there were exceptions, but they were just that: exceptions. I would wind up with a sore thumb and wrist in many cases. As much as I love to play, I didn't make it very easy for myself to do so.

Discovering how to let go of the neck, through watching a video by David Kilminster, I found myself doing things that I previously found difficult, if not impossible, for me to play. I have found my fingers lighter and easier to manipulate. I even found moving up and down the neck to be much easier.

When I let go of the guitar, I can do hammer ons and pull-offs a lot quicker and without getting tired. My biggest surprise came when working out an Andy James lick for a song. It was a two handed lick and I found myself executing it rather fluidly.

Amazingly enough, I have never seen any one ever covered this important aspect of shredding. It's definitely important and should be passed on. There's probably more people out there in the same situation as I am, and holding on tightly does not mean more control.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Lessons From the Dojo

It may have been four years since I have been unable to practice Karate. However, I cannot deny the principles and discipline that I learned from my years of training in the dojo. If only now, I am starting to take those principles and disciplines seriously. While I wish that I would have learned these earlier on in my life, I guess that it is better to be late than not at all. If anything, there's a bunch of lessons that I have started to apply in various aspects in my life… starting with music. Why music? Because, in my mind, I could have been a more disciplined guitarist (and possibly a pianist). If anything, I've been somewhat disappointed with my current skills when I listen to the various aspects of my playing. I let them stagnate to the point where I feel that they slid backwards. Others may not hear it, but I certainly do, and it's undeniable to my own ears. Hence, the need for discipline passed on for centuries of martial arts' Senseis.

My first discipline that I am applying is by doing these licks slow and even. This is how I used to practice my katas. It helps me feel the technique and trains the muscles to move in the direction and rhythm needed. It also allows the rest of my senses to learn what I am doing. I am training myself to hear as well as feel what I am doing when practicing a lick. I've learned the practicing it slow is extremely important. Important to the point where I tried to speed it up and immediately noticed the mistakes. Slowing it down helps me iron out those mistakes and fix them at the root.

Another discipline I have learned was from a book, called "The Classical Man". It reads: One Kata - Three Years. Basically, this indicates how long it takes to ingrain a kata into the body. It's a lot more than simply memorizing it. It's building it so that it is instinct. It's anchoring into the body through repetition. The same goes with practicing guitar licks. Practicing it over and over, feeling and hearing it, works it into the body. Sure, one can try some shortcuts, but it wouldn't replace the satisfaction of hearing the lick progress as you feel it in your fingers. To me, that's part of the joy of playing guitar. Part of experiencing this joy comes from the discipline of learning it until it is a part of you.

And I know that the kind of music that I want to write, it's going to require discipline. And, the only discipline that I can see that will work for me, is what I learned from the dojo.

Awakening a dragon

Okay, I will be the first to admit after watching a bunch of Andy James' performances on the recently received DVD's, whether I would be able to ever play half as good as him. After all, his technique is exact and his playing is very melodic. He is a true shredder and a fantastic guitarist. So, for me it is almost understandable why I would feel a little down watching the videos of him playing some of these licks at blistering speed. His playing is how I always wanted to sound. Funny enough, we both drew on the same influences. Only real difference was that I built up some of the technique, but I wasn't sure where to take it, or how to apply it. Or, at the very least, I didn't have the discipline.

That all changed this morning.

I decided to stop watching and start learning. I was determined to become the willing and eager student that I once was 20 years ago. I popped in a Quick Licks DVD in the style of one of my first original guitar heroes: Paul Gilbert. I played along with a couple of the breakdowns of some of my favourite licks and that's when I discovered, after playing them a bunch of times, that I really can do it. I even made another discovery: I figured out how to incorporate these licks into my own playing. They really started working for me. I could hear new songs coming out from then. It was exciting.

I feel like I have awakened a sleeping dragon. Everything felt like it just came together and my guitar playing has gotten a fresh breath of life. I'm really excited and can't wait to see just how far I can take it. If anything, I did start seeing things come together when I was learning a few Steve Vai licks, again taught my Andy. However, it really starting to take shape.

Admittedly, this is really fueling my passion. It makes me wonder how far I can take it. Who knows what kind of songs that may come out. I guess all I can say is stay tuned.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Invited, but uninvited...

Have you ever been invited to a "friend's" house with a group of your other friends? It sounds okay at first until the host invites everyone to play your favourite game... that is, everyone but you. The worst part is all your invited friends know that it is your favourite game, and they really can't do anything about it because they don't really want to upset the host and lose them as a friend. So, of course, you go away from the party feeling empty and slightly rejected. What's worse at times is the fact that you accept an invitation to the host's next party in hopes you'll gain their acceptance, and sometimes you feel like this is your only friend, even though there are other friends out there waiting to accept you. Even worse is doing this repeatedly, only to get the same result and feelings over and over again.

Discouraging, isn't it...

That's how I feel about church right now... at least the church I'm going to.

The one thing that I love to do is be a part of a worship team. I feel that I am filling out my role and serving the church when do this. It makes me passionate about serving God, sharing His love through music. In fact, I get so wild with passion doing it that at times I will almost swear that it is not me. I can't help it... that's how I understand the love of God and the passion of Christ. There are some people that will go as far as to say that this is my ministry. All I know is that it is my passion to share God's love through music.

However, this church doesn't seem to want to me to share my passion. They would rather have me get lost in the crowd. They're rather closed to anyone joining or creating a worship team and the pastor doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to upset anyone. For me, this is rather discouraging not to let anyone else take part in a church that claims to be a community based church. There are people that want to share their passion and are being suppressed, while those who make it seem more like a religion go up and attempt to lead the congregation.

It's got to a point where I don't want to go anymore and be a part of a place that doesn't really want me to be a part of. It breaks my heart to feel like this to feel suppressed. I know that I don't really have to go back, but it also feels like at times that I don't have any other place to go that I know I can be a part of. At this point in time, I'm unsure of what to do and only God can guide me. I definitely feel as if I'm in the middle of nowhere.

Today it all came together... for now

For some reason, today has felt almost surreal. It's been almost too good to be true, and makes me want to hold onto it as much as possible, not letting it go! I knew that God wanted me to go to our old church for a reason. On Monday, I thought He was answering my prayers when Dave called me up and asked me to play on the worship team today. Of course, it was far greater than that. Today was all about healing... and healing is what my spirit was craving for. I needed a healing from God so bad because I was down to a point where I didn't even want to go to church. I felt so far out of worship that I was demotivated, depressed and full of despair. Today, I felt like I worshipped. In fact, I felt like I worshipped like I hadn't worshipped before. I felt that I was exactly where God wanted me to be.

Everything felt so right this morning that I couldn't help myself, but to lay it all down with the worship team this morning. It wasn't any self-indulgent moment when I was on stage playing guitar and singing with the worship team. It was a God indulgent moment. I actually felt for that brief moment in time, I had God all to myself and I was playing for Him and it was almost as if I could feel Him tell me, "It is good!" I couldn't help but let it all out! I needed to because my heart was crying out so badly. And, it all felt so right.

Then came the word on healing, and the pastor was talking about spiritual healing. That was something that I needed to hear so badly. Obviously God knew that because He picked the day that I would play on the worship team. There was just so much that I was going, "Yeah! YEAH!" inside. I knew I needed prayer so badly, and I was almost afraid to ask my other friend, also named Dave, to pray for me. But, I knew I had to do it because I needed it. After he was praying with some other people, I went up to him and asked him if he had "one more prayer for me?" I told him a bit of what was happening inside of me and we prayed as I burst into tears. I was so glad he was there.

My day feels so complete, but I guess I'm sometimes scared of it coming to an end. After all, tomorrow it won't be our wedding anniversary and next week, Margot and Cassidy fly back west and, of course, the stresses of life will be once again upon us trying to drown out today's important message. Not to mention that "the enemy" always seems to have a way of turning my butt into a dartboard. I know that I must keep my eyes on Mark 2 this week because that's where got our lesson about healing. I guess, if anything, I want to hold onto that feeling... the one where God says, "It is good!"

Small is Big

I know this is probably not news to many people I know that have been doing audio engineering for as long, if not longer, than I have. Heck, it's not really anything new to me. If anything, it's more of a revelation, really, on what I already knew but perhaps never wanted to believe. I sort of had my revelation while working on a soundtrack for a major client and was going through some amp models to find find the right sound for a lead guitar part. If anything, it big sounding models didn't cut it for the lead. I tried many of them, including Marshall, Diezel, Engl and Mesa Boogie stacks. They sounded big, but that bigness was falling short in the type of tone that I needed, thus feeling small.

Then it hit me: some of my favourite lead tones were from albums like Led Zeppelin II and IV, and the thing that hit from those albums was that Jimmy Page mainly used small amps like a Supro Thunder. Thus, I dug up an amp model of it on my POD and it was perfect. That little amp sounded so big in the recording that I wound up pushing a bunch of things out of its way so it could carve its way right up the centre. I couldn't believe just how good a small amp can sound. Even a small amp model, especially since I don't know where to even begin to look for a Supro Thunder. I find that leads cut better on a smaller amp model, than a bigger one.

Yeah, it's nothing new because even when I used to deal with my ol' reels almost 30 years ago, I would close-mic my little Traynor combo because it sounded so monster in sound on tape. My stack never cut it, and I new back then that my combo was my main amp for recording guitar. If anything, it hasn't changed with amp models. I used a small Vox, Matchless and Supro in this project and they all worked in it because they sounded big. Even the Vox model gave me a U2-type sound that all of a sudden gave me a larger than life feeling when I played. It's probably a sound that I will use more often.

Big stacks have their place, no doubt. Heck, I used a couple of models for another recording in the rhythm guitars. However, the leads needed that bigness that I could only get out of a smaller type of amp model. Hopefully, I'll pay more attention to this revelation, so that I won't have to go through it all over again. All I need to remember is: the smaller the amp, the bigger the sound.

Too Perfect to be Random

In everything I have seen in my life, I truly find it extremely difficult to believe in pure coincidence or random acts, or, worst of all, luck. I have been in way too many situations that many would just resign to say "what were the chances of that happening?" Even worse is hearing, "that was lucky!"

I just don't believe in random or coincidental acts. They happen just too perfectly to be random. They're at just the right time and place.

Let's take the songs on my iPhone for example. I can put it on shuffle and yet the right song comes up at just the right time, when I need it most. Whether I need to be encouraged, consoled, motivated, or just to be still, it's done at the most perfect time. I find it hard to believe in a random number generator that knows which song I need to hear. The song just didn't pop up by coincidence.

Or what about my recent gallstone examinations. Were it not for them, they wouldn't be finding other things that may require dealing with, that may have tried to slip by undetected.

I can name other examples in my life but there are way to many to name.

It's these kinds of thing in my life that point to the existence of God! There really is no other explanation. Everything that I have seen happen in my life is just way too perfect to be random.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

What if...

What if some of the things in this world we think we want aren't what we really want? We walk into a store with our hearts racing and our thoughts clouded, determined to go buy the thing we think will ultimately make us happy, only to find once we finally hold it in our hands, that the chase was better than the catch. The feeling dies as if someone just poured water on your fire. Did I really want it, when I finally realized that the power to get it was right there?

It doesn't stop at things you could buy. What about jobs? I'd often think that what if what I believed the ideal job came up. I'd probably jump on it right away. Funny enough, the so-called ideal job popped up in my mailbox. That's when I realized just how much I really enjoy the job I have and I honestly don't believe I am going to find any better or more ideal. Aside from doing the things I enjoy, I'm learning new skills and growing. What I had thought in the past was better pales by comparison.

It's funny to me that I have had all of this power to "do", and yet I find great joy right where I am and with what I have? Is it possible that I have discovered the secret to contentment?

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

My new way of recording guitar: the old way!

I'm writing this in the lab today trying to distract myself from my medical problems, so I'm thinking about music and recording. I discovered something about myself thus past weekend: I like to keep things simple when I record. Too much freedom in recording becomes rather paralytic to me. I find myself sitting on guitar tones trying to dial in the ideal tone, when instead I should be focusing on the spirit of the song. Who cares if the guitar is not perfect. It's the imperfection that makes the song what it is.

If anything, I started going back to basics when recording guitar. I find a tone and that's the tone I record with. I force myself to stick with that tone because that is the tone that I recorded my track with. If anything, that would be the tone which brought out my playing for the song. Anytime I have switched tones and reamped the guitar, I found myself finding things I didn't like in my playing with that tone. Then I would try to re-record the troubled parts and then I would just lose the whole spirit of the song. Talk about wasted time, because I wind up undoing what I did and reverting back to my original imperfect tone, which was after all perfect.

I found myself reviewing some unfinished songs I recorded over a year ago, and discovered that the ones I recorded directly from my X3 absolutely rocked in my ears. So, I did an experiment this weekend and recorded straight from my POD, and sure enough, things just rocked. The tone wasn't perfect, but it was working so nicely with my playing, so why should I change it? I'll probably find myself doing things this way more often.


-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Keyboard Lessons

Why didn't my mother do what every normal mother did with their children when they were young, and send me for piano lessons? I've asked this to my wife many, many times? Did she not think I would ever play a piano, just like she thought I would never take the guitar as seriously as I do today? The only reason I really shied away from keyboards was because my mother had this cheezy (and it mean really cheezy) organ in the house whose sound just grated my ears. I grew up in a synagogue where they had a beautiful sounding organ with an amazing organist (and pianist), named Ben Steinberg. I always wanted him to teach me how to play that organ. It had a beautiful sound. The one I had at home sounded cheap, like a toy. I couldn't get serious with it. I found it really easy to get serious with the guitar because it sounded way more beautiful, compared to that organ. Just hearing my sister, Karen, playing some Neil Young on her guitar sounded so much better than the cheese I was squeezing out of that organ. At the very least, had it been a better sounding organ, or at least one I could get serious with, like the one in the synagogue, I probably would have taken to that right away.

I remember when my mother and I would go out to the mall when she had some shopping to do, and I would go whenever I could to the keyboard shop in the mall, and just play on one of those organs there. The sales manager was nice to me and let me play them for a while, as he knew it also kept me out of my mother's hair. He knew that I wouldn't just bang on the keys... I would actually try to make music on them. I remember just how great they sounded. So much better than the toy in our house. Even when I would straight out ask my mother for one of those organs, she didn't get why I was asking for one. I would have played that thing like you wouldn't believe. Even if she wouldn't get me lessons, I probably would have found a way to teach myself. Or, at the very least, I may have asked Ben to teach me how to play such an instrument with both my hands and feet... and hopefully to show me how to get some sweet tones like he did out of the synagogue's organ, even though I knew there was a massive difference between the two.

I used to grow up listening to Elton John. I always wanted to be able to play like him as he uses the piano to accompany his voice. To me, there was something magical about his first few albums. I still listen to those first few albums with amazement. I even have Elton John songbooks that my mother bought me. You'd think that would send her a message that I would have loved to play the piano. I also listened to Yes, thanks to Karen. I didn't listen to Yes for Steve Howe. I listened to Yes because Rick Wakeman's keyboard playing made me want to play music. I also loved listening to Stevie Wonder, Billy Joel and others. Heck, I thought I lost touch with the piano as I grew up with my guitar, until I met one guy in the church who played piano amazingly. Too bad he snubbed me off when I asked him just to teach me to play "rhythm piano" so I can have something to sing to. That hurt!

Even in my late forties, I still have the regret of not having learned to play the piano. I mean really play the piano. Playing that cheesebox organ when I was a kid taught me how to form chords on the keyboard and how to read music, once my mother showed me where middle C was. Sure, I can play pads on a synth, but that feels as far as I can go. I'm not looking to play a classical piano. I just want to play piano. Maybe, I want to blister out a lead on a synth, but I'm not looking to be Jordan Rudess, who I will admit is my keyboard hero, alongside older Elton John and Rick Wakeman.

Don't get me wrong: I love to play guitar. I will never stop loving to play guitar. But, there are times I just want to play a keyboard, be it a piano, organ or synth. I find them fun and intriguing, and I think I have already written some great songs on it, even if I couldn't play them with both hands. Now, I want to be able to play some of the songs I have written... as well as write some new songs on it.

Thanks mom, for not listening to me...

So hard to say good-bye

I was dreading today as I knew that it was creeping up on me early this morning as Wayne, Jonny and myself were all playing Mario Party until about 4am. Not to mention playing with my granddaughter and grandson all day, as well as a good part of the week. For the week, those kids knew they belonged to their grandfather. Even more so, they knew that grandpa belonged to them. It seemed like my granddaughter knew it so well that having to say good-bye to them today seemed to tear us both apart. Both of us had trouble holding back our emotions. I don't know who was more of a sight. A crying 4-year old girl seems more normal than a weeping man in his late 40's.

I didn't want to go without making our moments special, however. Cassidy and I always loved to play together whenever possible. We would exchange a few keywords that only between us, mattered. It wouldn't matter if mommy, daddy or even grandma couldn't figure out our little mode of communication but that didn't matter because it was between Cassidy and myself.  We would look at each other and all it took were those one or two special words between us and we would just look at each other and laugh. I don't know who loved the moment more: her or me?

I made Cassidy a promise before I came out there that we would have ice cream together. No doubt, she didn't forget, and asked me if we could share that bowl of ice cream that I promised. I didn't want to let her down before I left. Of course the weather was not permitting too well, and I think that the winter shock really knocked me on my rear with a cold or something. However, God did provide as Dina did buy some Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream. I filled a bowl and got out two spoons and Cassidy and I sat at the table. I started losing it while I was praying and giving thanks. We then ate ice cream together, and I helped Cassidy put the bigger chunks on her spoon. It wasn't the ice cream that I cared for. It was that one last special moment with my granddaughter that was all I wanted.

I lost it in the ice cream moment because I knew that right after that, it was time to say good-bye. And that's when the tears all flowed. At first, she was holding back the tears. I wasn't, as I was hugging and kissing her good-bye. She saw how sad I was and then, next thing you know, we're both crying.

All I can say is how much I know in my heart just how much she means to me, and I cannot wait for the day when I'll be able to look at her face-to-face and exchange those special words that are just between her and me and share that little laugh that only we could share. My grandchildren have given more so many memories to me in a week. Not that my kids didn't, but this was more special than anything else. These are the Christmas presents that I am going to treasure more than anything else. You won't find these at Wal-Mart, Long & McQuade, or even at The Apple Store.