I'm still here... so treat me like it!

I have to admit that I am a bit peeved at some people's attitudes at the moment. Yes, it's a given that I am leaving my job. However, I have not left yet. I haven't even checked out in my mind. I don't plan to do that until it's time to officially check out. So, why are people talking to me with the belief that because I am leaving, I don't care what happens now, and after I am gone?

Nothing could be further from the truth. I am still making sure that my team is highly functional and that we can still hit the tight deadlines that have been driven by the executive business end. Not only that, I am trying to make sure that my successor is able to step in as easily as possible without believing that he has walked into a nightmare that may have been left behind. There is plenty to do and I feel that I have a responsibility to get it done. Just because I am excited about the new opportunities and possibilities, that in no way means that I can simply forget everything that I have tried to put in place here. I do not wash my hands of anything until it is officially time to leave the table. I make no apologies for being this way.

So, when you talk to me at work, don't talk to me like I am leaving. Talk to me like I am still here ensuring that everything that I need to get done, gets done. Talk to me believing that I still have the company's objectives in mind. If you feel the need to talk to me like I am gone, and do not possess the will or desire to change this, then please do me the favor and just treat me as if I am gone and don't approach me. This way, you will be making room for someone else who knows that I am still here and is willing to serve them in order to get things done and help them meet their objectives.


-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

The God I Know...

It's no secret that I am starting a new job soon. What people may not realize is how it came about and what prompted my decision to take this job. After all, I had no dissatisfaction with my current job. So what made this different? The answer, at least to me, is rather simple: God was in the decision. In fact, He was in this whole situation every step of the way. Here is my testimony:

The fact that I had applied to this place back in 2003 and consistently tried for about 5 years only to give up, having met up time after time with repeated computerized form letters telling me thanks but I am not qualified for the position and so on and so on, showed that I was doing this under my own power and was amounting to nothing of my own account.

The difference all started when they reached out to me, in an email, asking "if I knew anyone that was interested in such a position". Of course I knew someone... me! I was like, "God, can this be true? A human being from this company is actually contact me?" So, I sent back the response along with my resume indicating my interest and stated to God, thanking Him that even if I got no further, I got further than I ever did in this company.

I then received a second email from this person asking me to answer a few questions before we proceeded. I was amazed because this never happened before. I answered the questions as honestly as I could. Funny enough, it got to the part where they asked why I want to leave my current job. I stated on it that I had no reason to leave. I even told them about my current boss. I had nothing but positive things to say. In fact, I was giving them more reasons why I didn't really need this new job. However, I was honest and kept it that way. Before I sent it off, I once again said a prayer giving my thanks to God that even if I got no further than this, I have gotten even further than I ever did in this company.

Then came a request for a phone interview.

Again, I ask God if this can be true. Is this from Him? Is it by God's will? Has God seen a certain discouragement in my heart that He would go, "It's time!"? So many questions that I can think of, and many more that I cannot even express. Of course, I said YES! to the phone interview and tried to set it up so that I would not be late going into work. Sure enough, we started at our scheduled time and we talked... and talked... and talked. It was great. It seemed the both of us had a lot to say about this and I thought we had a great interview. Already, they were starting to feel like a company that I wanted to be a part of. I lost track of time but I didn't care because I felt that if this was from God, I was going to give it all that I had. Sure enough, God must have met me half way because when I looked up from my car, situated in the parking lot of my current job, the entire building had been evacuated and everyone was outside. What happened was that the men's toilet upstairs suffered a broken pipe which shorted out a light circuit, probably causing sparks. No one hurt, but bought time as I wasn't considered late. As I hung up the phone, I once again thanked God heavily because this was the most I ever got with this company and even if it got no further, I was totally grateful.

Then came a request for a face-to-face interview.

You can bet I was asking God again those same questions. After all, I had to know. I had to know if this was from Him. Of course, I said YES! I did the face-to-face interview with their team lead and a couple of their senior developers and we were talking almost everything technical about Flash. I showed them how I managed to solve certain problems. Heck, I was even drawing things out on their whiteboard. I left feeling great about the interview. Before I drove off, I prayed in my car. I thanked God again because even if I got no further, I have NEVER made it further than this!

About an hour later, I get a phone call. They phoned wanting to schedule an interview. I told them sheepishly, "I... just... had an interview?" They were like, "I know... they want a second interview". How could I refuse. God must has have been at work here because they were kind enough to set up a very early morning interview, so I wouldn't be losing any real time from work. But, of course, I still had to know if it was from Him. Let's face it... 5 years of nothing, and this is happening faster than a could ever have imagined. I spoke with the manager this time. It didn't go as well as the tech, in my opinion. I stumbled. Despite my own disappointment in myself, I was still totally grateful once again. God brought me further than I ever was. I was not going to be disappointed in the least.

Then came the wait...

Joelle would ask me anxiously if I heard anything. At that time, I was certain that if this was to come from God, then He would deliver it in His time and in His way. I kept telling Joelle that either way, I will be grateful and if it doesn't happen, I am still very happy at my current job and am not going to look any further. This would happen a few times and Joelle agreed with me. I think she knew that I would only do this if God were in it. In the meantime, I would have exchanged a few e-mails with their HR expressing my thanks again for the opportunities to meet with them. I told them that it was a real pleasure regardless of the outcome. However, I knew not to ask about the status because I was just going to let it go and leave it in God's hands. I was sure that He knew what was going on and if it was not in His will at this time, I still made it further than I could have on my own power.

Four days before we were to go on vacation, I got a phone call. It was a job offer there. I was totally excited. I was standing outside talking on my phone freezing but I DIDN'T CARE! We talked for about 30 minutes and they could see my excitement. It wasn't just for the job and the tremendous possibilities that it carries. It was because it was from God. I was sure of it. How? Well, I had to take care of some formalities within those four days before I was to go on vacation. Once again, I tried on my own power and hit road blocks right up to the last day, despite not only my efforts, but HR's attempts to help.

However, I was certain that God would deliver! At this point I had no doubt that it was from God because I knew that if it was from God, He would ride in at the last minute with trumpets blaring. I even told Joelle this. I was so certain because this is the God that I know. He set everything up so that He could show me how He works. Sure, it's probably a small thing for Him, but it was huge to me. Sure enough, God did just that. I needed an official signature and God delivered one hours before we were to go away. I got everything off and once again, was to wait until after my vacation.

After wrapping up a few more details when I got back from my vacation. I got a phone call about a week later confirming my start date. After giving huge thanks to God once again as I hung up my phone, I also prayed that I do things right in preparing to say good-bye to my current place of work. Knowing that God was leading me every step of the way, I don't want Him to stop leading as the time comes to leave to go to my new job. In fact, I know He won't stop leading because He brought me this far...

... and I have NEVER been able to go this far on my own!

Faster, faster

I've been making a crucial mistake in my workouts... one that could have killed me. I deluded myself into believing that I would get a better workout by increasing the resistance on my bike. If anything, it was giving me the reverse effect. Even worse was that I was piling on more resistance and straining myself out.

This was starting to exhibit a reverse effect on my health. My energy level dropped considerably. I was always worn out. Even my voice was in terrible shape. Not to mention that I wondered why I was not losing weight.

It was definitely time to reconsider what I was doing. When I finally started to watch my calories, both in what I was eating and what exercising, I cut the resistance down drastically, and pedaled, probably for my life. If anything, I'm going for the calories. Now, I'm noticing the positive effects.

I've learned that pedaling faster is more important than pedaling harder. I'm seeing my energy level climbing and my weight dropping. Even my voice sounds a lot livelier.

My goal right now is to hit racing speed. The good news is that after last night, I seem to be 0.8mph away from achieving this. And once I reach this, I will try to take it even faster. I'd almost say that my life depends on everything that I have learned recently.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Letting Go

After over 35 years of playing guitar, I have made an incredible discovery: if I let go of my guitar while it is hanging on me with a strap, it doesn't move. Isn't that neat? Well, to me it is.

Here's why:

Ever since I have been playing guitar, I have always grabbed the neck so tight, it would make it impossible to not only play faster, but it would also be a pain to shift positions. Thus, I would rarely ever stray from one position when I am playing a lead run. Of course there were exceptions, but they were just that: exceptions. I would wind up with a sore thumb and wrist in many cases. As much as I love to play, I didn't make it very easy for myself to do so.

Discovering how to let go of the neck, through watching a video by David Kilminster, I found myself doing things that I previously found difficult, if not impossible, for me to play. I have found my fingers lighter and easier to manipulate. I even found moving up and down the neck to be much easier.

When I let go of the guitar, I can do hammer ons and pull-offs a lot quicker and without getting tired. My biggest surprise came when working out an Andy James lick for a song. It was a two handed lick and I found myself executing it rather fluidly.

Amazingly enough, I have never seen any one ever covered this important aspect of shredding. It's definitely important and should be passed on. There's probably more people out there in the same situation as I am, and holding on tightly does not mean more control.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Lessons From the Dojo

It may have been four years since I have been unable to practice Karate. However, I cannot deny the principles and discipline that I learned from my years of training in the dojo. If only now, I am starting to take those principles and disciplines seriously. While I wish that I would have learned these earlier on in my life, I guess that it is better to be late than not at all. If anything, there's a bunch of lessons that I have started to apply in various aspects in my life… starting with music. Why music? Because, in my mind, I could have been a more disciplined guitarist (and possibly a pianist). If anything, I've been somewhat disappointed with my current skills when I listen to the various aspects of my playing. I let them stagnate to the point where I feel that they slid backwards. Others may not hear it, but I certainly do, and it's undeniable to my own ears. Hence, the need for discipline passed on for centuries of martial arts' Senseis.

My first discipline that I am applying is by doing these licks slow and even. This is how I used to practice my katas. It helps me feel the technique and trains the muscles to move in the direction and rhythm needed. It also allows the rest of my senses to learn what I am doing. I am training myself to hear as well as feel what I am doing when practicing a lick. I've learned the practicing it slow is extremely important. Important to the point where I tried to speed it up and immediately noticed the mistakes. Slowing it down helps me iron out those mistakes and fix them at the root.

Another discipline I have learned was from a book, called "The Classical Man". It reads: One Kata - Three Years. Basically, this indicates how long it takes to ingrain a kata into the body. It's a lot more than simply memorizing it. It's building it so that it is instinct. It's anchoring into the body through repetition. The same goes with practicing guitar licks. Practicing it over and over, feeling and hearing it, works it into the body. Sure, one can try some shortcuts, but it wouldn't replace the satisfaction of hearing the lick progress as you feel it in your fingers. To me, that's part of the joy of playing guitar. Part of experiencing this joy comes from the discipline of learning it until it is a part of you.

And I know that the kind of music that I want to write, it's going to require discipline. And, the only discipline that I can see that will work for me, is what I learned from the dojo.

Awakening a dragon

Okay, I will be the first to admit after watching a bunch of Andy James' performances on the recently received DVD's, whether I would be able to ever play half as good as him. After all, his technique is exact and his playing is very melodic. He is a true shredder and a fantastic guitarist. So, for me it is almost understandable why I would feel a little down watching the videos of him playing some of these licks at blistering speed. His playing is how I always wanted to sound. Funny enough, we both drew on the same influences. Only real difference was that I built up some of the technique, but I wasn't sure where to take it, or how to apply it. Or, at the very least, I didn't have the discipline.

That all changed this morning.

I decided to stop watching and start learning. I was determined to become the willing and eager student that I once was 20 years ago. I popped in a Quick Licks DVD in the style of one of my first original guitar heroes: Paul Gilbert. I played along with a couple of the breakdowns of some of my favourite licks and that's when I discovered, after playing them a bunch of times, that I really can do it. I even made another discovery: I figured out how to incorporate these licks into my own playing. They really started working for me. I could hear new songs coming out from then. It was exciting.

I feel like I have awakened a sleeping dragon. Everything felt like it just came together and my guitar playing has gotten a fresh breath of life. I'm really excited and can't wait to see just how far I can take it. If anything, I did start seeing things come together when I was learning a few Steve Vai licks, again taught my Andy. However, it really starting to take shape.

Admittedly, this is really fueling my passion. It makes me wonder how far I can take it. Who knows what kind of songs that may come out. I guess all I can say is stay tuned.

-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can

Invited, but uninvited...

Have you ever been invited to a "friend's" house with a group of your other friends? It sounds okay at first until the host invites everyone to play your favourite game... that is, everyone but you. The worst part is all your invited friends know that it is your favourite game, and they really can't do anything about it because they don't really want to upset the host and lose them as a friend. So, of course, you go away from the party feeling empty and slightly rejected. What's worse at times is the fact that you accept an invitation to the host's next party in hopes you'll gain their acceptance, and sometimes you feel like this is your only friend, even though there are other friends out there waiting to accept you. Even worse is doing this repeatedly, only to get the same result and feelings over and over again.

Discouraging, isn't it...

That's how I feel about church right now... at least the church I'm going to.

The one thing that I love to do is be a part of a worship team. I feel that I am filling out my role and serving the church when do this. It makes me passionate about serving God, sharing His love through music. In fact, I get so wild with passion doing it that at times I will almost swear that it is not me. I can't help it... that's how I understand the love of God and the passion of Christ. There are some people that will go as far as to say that this is my ministry. All I know is that it is my passion to share God's love through music.

However, this church doesn't seem to want to me to share my passion. They would rather have me get lost in the crowd. They're rather closed to anyone joining or creating a worship team and the pastor doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to upset anyone. For me, this is rather discouraging not to let anyone else take part in a church that claims to be a community based church. There are people that want to share their passion and are being suppressed, while those who make it seem more like a religion go up and attempt to lead the congregation.

It's got to a point where I don't want to go anymore and be a part of a place that doesn't really want me to be a part of. It breaks my heart to feel like this to feel suppressed. I know that I don't really have to go back, but it also feels like at times that I don't have any other place to go that I know I can be a part of. At this point in time, I'm unsure of what to do and only God can guide me. I definitely feel as if I'm in the middle of nowhere.