I just finished restoring my fave guitar last night and I decided to plug it into my POD X3 Live. I was thinking to myself that I could find out what settings I needed in order to make it as nice sounding as the Amp Designer plug-ins with Logic Pro 9. I decided to try some of the many settings that I had made, that I thought once sounded good. Sure enough, they don't sound very good anymore. I got to a point where I had to switch patches because they were hurting my ears. That's when I decided to cut it down to the bare essentials.
I cut out all of the effects and just went right for the amp itself. In many cases, that's where the problem lied. Sure, there are a lot of modelled amps in my X3. However, it seems like the 25 that I have in Amp Designer really kick the stuffing out of my X3. In Logic, I hear music and harmony. In my X3, I'm hearing noise and dissonance. I don't know if it's me, but I seem to lack inspiration when I plug into my X3. As soon as I plug into Logic, I'm hearing musical vibrations. I can't put my finger on it, but with the last two songs I did, I decided to use the Amp Designer and Pedalboard from Logic and loved the results. I couldn't stop listening to "I Wanna Be..." as the guitars totally rocked out.
I may have more amp choices in my X3, but I am starting to feel like I have better amp modelling in Logic. I'm hoping I'm just missing something...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wanting to be wanted...
God must have been listening to me talk to Joelle last night about spending Christmas in Calgary with my kids that are out there. If He didn't, then we really couldn't not explain the fantastic seat price we got on the plane ticket, considering that there was no announced seat sale and the fact that Westjet usually never has a Christmas seat sale.
God probably heard the rest of our conversation as well, which was to eventually move out to Alberta, to be near our kids that are out there. I'll admit that my heart aches to go out there and probably spend the rest of my life out there. If anything, it's starting to feel as if there's nothing left in Ontario for me anymore. Heck, look at how I see it: the three that are out there with their families are begging to always have us out to spend the holidays with and the one that is here with his family never spends any holidays with us. For the past two years, nothing: no Easter, Passover, Christmas, Thanksgiving... nothing. They go to his wife's parents for the holidays. It sort of makes me feel insignificant to them. This is why I am glad to fly out this year. I have always wanted my family together for the holidays and it seems sad that I cannot have this. Heck, even my one son out there who feels I am the worst father to walk this planet wants me out there to celebrate the holidays with. That says more to me than anything else. I'd fly out for him because I know he wants me there... nothing more. Heck, the grandkids out there are so excited and Grandma and Grandpa are coming for Christmas. They can't wait to see us... and I really can't wait to see them! At least I now know why grandparents love to spoil their grandkids.
I don't think that what I am feeling is wrong. Sure, as parents, we are no longer needed as much as our kids get older and grow with their own families. But, it is not wrong to want to be wanted by our kids. I think that's what any parent wants these days as they get older and see their kids go off on their own lives. And, sometimes, the easiest indicator of showing a parent that you want them is by spending a holiday or two with them. Yes, Joelle and I are busy people and we've always been... but we've always made time on the holidays because we know it's about family.
At the very least, I'm grateful I have one child eating with us this Thanksgiving...
God probably heard the rest of our conversation as well, which was to eventually move out to Alberta, to be near our kids that are out there. I'll admit that my heart aches to go out there and probably spend the rest of my life out there. If anything, it's starting to feel as if there's nothing left in Ontario for me anymore. Heck, look at how I see it: the three that are out there with their families are begging to always have us out to spend the holidays with and the one that is here with his family never spends any holidays with us. For the past two years, nothing: no Easter, Passover, Christmas, Thanksgiving... nothing. They go to his wife's parents for the holidays. It sort of makes me feel insignificant to them. This is why I am glad to fly out this year. I have always wanted my family together for the holidays and it seems sad that I cannot have this. Heck, even my one son out there who feels I am the worst father to walk this planet wants me out there to celebrate the holidays with. That says more to me than anything else. I'd fly out for him because I know he wants me there... nothing more. Heck, the grandkids out there are so excited and Grandma and Grandpa are coming for Christmas. They can't wait to see us... and I really can't wait to see them! At least I now know why grandparents love to spoil their grandkids.
I don't think that what I am feeling is wrong. Sure, as parents, we are no longer needed as much as our kids get older and grow with their own families. But, it is not wrong to want to be wanted by our kids. I think that's what any parent wants these days as they get older and see their kids go off on their own lives. And, sometimes, the easiest indicator of showing a parent that you want them is by spending a holiday or two with them. Yes, Joelle and I are busy people and we've always been... but we've always made time on the holidays because we know it's about family.
At the very least, I'm grateful I have one child eating with us this Thanksgiving...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
It's all coming back
It's been almost a couple of weeks since deciding to take back my life from my job. All I can say is that I have no regrets.
If anything, I've started to see things a lot clearer now. I can see the damage I have done all over. My health suffered. I have never seen the type of illnesses that I had experience lately. And considering that I was rundown and stressed, I probably should not be surprised to see these diseases. At least I can feel my strength coming back while my body is cleaning up the garbage. I had my best bike ride last night.
My creativity suffered to the point where I had been not able to write any music. This was depressing in itself. My ventures back to the mixing board have been nothing short of therapeutic. There's definitely healing in the vibrations.
I feel my emotions coming back in check. This was something that I will not doubt was wreaking havoc throughout my family. Poor Joelle must have gone through hell putting up with me for the past little while. And Joshua... I will no doubt bet that my own state of mind has been affecting his state of mind. Heck, he's been an emotional train wreck for the past two weeks.
All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm not going to let that ever happen again. Certain things in life are just not worth the cost!
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
If anything, I've started to see things a lot clearer now. I can see the damage I have done all over. My health suffered. I have never seen the type of illnesses that I had experience lately. And considering that I was rundown and stressed, I probably should not be surprised to see these diseases. At least I can feel my strength coming back while my body is cleaning up the garbage. I had my best bike ride last night.
My creativity suffered to the point where I had been not able to write any music. This was depressing in itself. My ventures back to the mixing board have been nothing short of therapeutic. There's definitely healing in the vibrations.
I feel my emotions coming back in check. This was something that I will not doubt was wreaking havoc throughout my family. Poor Joelle must have gone through hell putting up with me for the past little while. And Joshua... I will no doubt bet that my own state of mind has been affecting his state of mind. Heck, he's been an emotional train wreck for the past two weeks.
All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm not going to let that ever happen again. Certain things in life are just not worth the cost!
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Musical Healings...
In my resolve to take back what is mine and separate my life from my job at the end of the work day, I've taken the first steps in regaining who I am after all the work is done. Part of that first step is healing. I have to heal the wounds because they don't help to remain open, as I have discovered in the past.
For me, there's no better healing than music. I went to the mixing board last night and ripped apart "In the Eyes of a Stranger" mainly because of the same reason as "I Wanna Be...". I didn't like how it sounds.
The first place I looked at was the drums. There was something wimpy about it. Once I found a stronger kick, I could feel an immediate uplifting. Mind you, I may change my mind tonight, but at least the healing is happening.
It must be something in the rhythm or the vibrations because I could feel them in the healing. If anything, I am using these anomalies in the rhythm to fix what I am finding in the song. The beauty of this is that I am finding conflicts with the bass due to timing. Fixing this will probably help this healing process. I can feel it already. Thus, it must be right.
I will admit that I am grateful for the audio tools that helps the healing. But using them now is coming from within. I'm finding that I am not just hearing what's happening, but feeling it as well. And it is feeling better... music is definitely part of my healing.
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
For me, there's no better healing than music. I went to the mixing board last night and ripped apart "In the Eyes of a Stranger" mainly because of the same reason as "I Wanna Be...". I didn't like how it sounds.
The first place I looked at was the drums. There was something wimpy about it. Once I found a stronger kick, I could feel an immediate uplifting. Mind you, I may change my mind tonight, but at least the healing is happening.
It must be something in the rhythm or the vibrations because I could feel them in the healing. If anything, I am using these anomalies in the rhythm to fix what I am finding in the song. The beauty of this is that I am finding conflicts with the bass due to timing. Fixing this will probably help this healing process. I can feel it already. Thus, it must be right.
I will admit that I am grateful for the audio tools that helps the healing. But using them now is coming from within. I'm finding that I am not just hearing what's happening, but feeling it as well. And it is feeling better... music is definitely part of my healing.
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Meltdown averted by server down
Funny how God works at times. Yesterday, I was headed straight into meltdown feeling overwhelmed with everything including the pain of regret. Next thing I know, all of the servers here go down in some unexplainable cascade of errors, forcing me to stop what I am doing and breathe.
Sure enough, I stop and take time to catch my breath. While I am doing that, I'm taking the time to clear my head as well. It gave me the opportunity to rethink my strategies and plan my next set of moves.
Part of this includes taking back what is rightfully mine. One of them is the right to leave work when the day is done. There is life affer work and I'm going to experience it once again. There's nothing worth staying for because my pay doesn't change whether I put in 7.5 hours or 10 hours. I'd be a fool to believe that this or any company actually is going to recognize and reward their employees based on their hours. And let's face it: the problems that were there at the end of the day will be there waiting tomorrrow. What I am no longer willing to give is my life for my job. The return is no longer worth it. They own the work I do, but they do not own me. If they think otherwise, I will definitely consider going back to contracting. No security is worth trading in some basic freedoms.
If I can keep remembering that there isn't always tomorrow, it just may keep me in line today. Otherwise, I'll be falling for a huge satanic lie and the cost will be huge! The one thing that cannot be banked is time.
Then a server down will be the least of my problem.
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
Sure enough, I stop and take time to catch my breath. While I am doing that, I'm taking the time to clear my head as well. It gave me the opportunity to rethink my strategies and plan my next set of moves.
Part of this includes taking back what is rightfully mine. One of them is the right to leave work when the day is done. There is life affer work and I'm going to experience it once again. There's nothing worth staying for because my pay doesn't change whether I put in 7.5 hours or 10 hours. I'd be a fool to believe that this or any company actually is going to recognize and reward their employees based on their hours. And let's face it: the problems that were there at the end of the day will be there waiting tomorrrow. What I am no longer willing to give is my life for my job. The return is no longer worth it. They own the work I do, but they do not own me. If they think otherwise, I will definitely consider going back to contracting. No security is worth trading in some basic freedoms.
If I can keep remembering that there isn't always tomorrow, it just may keep me in line today. Otherwise, I'll be falling for a huge satanic lie and the cost will be huge! The one thing that cannot be banked is time.
Then a server down will be the least of my problem.
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
Monday, September 28, 2009
Investments: cost & worth
There comes a time when we reach a breaking point. And, when that time comes, it's time to draw our boundaries. I hit that point today and got to the point where if I don't act now, I am going to be sorry. I may find myself in a bit of trouble tomorrow, but I'll risk that instead of my health and sanity.
If anything, I always try to see myself as an investor. However, the two things I know about in investing are keeping in mind the returns and the risks. So far the returns that I am seeing are minimal at best while the risks keep climbing. My physical and mental health are starting to look like the things I am risking. The meltdowns that I am approaching are not worth it.
So, now I have some decisions to make. Run the same course or wind up sacrificing everything on the altar of futility. Unfortunately everything has a price and now I have to consider what I am willing to pay. And I need to be wiser on my investments. I remember hearing something in a movie which is now sticking with me: cost and worth are two totally different things.
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
If anything, I always try to see myself as an investor. However, the two things I know about in investing are keeping in mind the returns and the risks. So far the returns that I am seeing are minimal at best while the risks keep climbing. My physical and mental health are starting to look like the things I am risking. The meltdowns that I am approaching are not worth it.
So, now I have some decisions to make. Run the same course or wind up sacrificing everything on the altar of futility. Unfortunately everything has a price and now I have to consider what I am willing to pay. And I need to be wiser on my investments. I remember hearing something in a movie which is now sticking with me: cost and worth are two totally different things.
-- Posted from my iPhone... because I can
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Regrets
It's becomng days like these where I am starting to be filled with regrets about ever giving up being a contract CodeMonkey. Sure, it wasn't easy at times, but it was enjoyable. I felt more in control of my hours and my time. I felt I had more of a choice.
It doesn't feel like it these days. I feel like I am chained to the job more emotionally than physically and I can't break away that easily. I feel like I can't leave at the regular times that I used to and I feel like it is getting emotionally draining. It feels like it is robbing me of my choices. I feel like I traded in a lot of freedom for a little security and am getting ripped off because of it. Now I am starting to feel what I have given up.
Problem is that I don't know how I can go back, or even if I can go back. Perhaps it time to think of a new career altogether. I definitely know that I enjoy what I do with wedding photography, and that I don't seem to get enough time to enjoy it because of my job. Then again, I'm probably talking foolishness right now because I'm trying to fight the potential meltdown I'm heading into causing me even more stress.
Funny how the day that I am even recognizing this is on the eve of Yom Kippur. I didn't even think about that until now. Perhaps I have some new decisions to make regarding this reflection. Perhaps I have some prayers for new directions to ask for... And with all that is going on in the world today, is what I am asking of God even important to Him?
It doesn't feel like it these days. I feel like I am chained to the job more emotionally than physically and I can't break away that easily. I feel like I can't leave at the regular times that I used to and I feel like it is getting emotionally draining. It feels like it is robbing me of my choices. I feel like I traded in a lot of freedom for a little security and am getting ripped off because of it. Now I am starting to feel what I have given up.
Problem is that I don't know how I can go back, or even if I can go back. Perhaps it time to think of a new career altogether. I definitely know that I enjoy what I do with wedding photography, and that I don't seem to get enough time to enjoy it because of my job. Then again, I'm probably talking foolishness right now because I'm trying to fight the potential meltdown I'm heading into causing me even more stress.
Funny how the day that I am even recognizing this is on the eve of Yom Kippur. I didn't even think about that until now. Perhaps I have some new decisions to make regarding this reflection. Perhaps I have some prayers for new directions to ask for... And with all that is going on in the world today, is what I am asking of God even important to Him?
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